It's my faux-paws!

Baby steps

2012-02-04T01:32:00.005-05:00

Watching Sex and the City, hubby's out playing poker, Munky's been walked and out front watching the lizards and frogs,....and I just tried on this new perfume by Halle Berry called Reveal, and it smells AWESOME. I love it. I LLLLOOOOVVVVEEEE how it smells. The longer you have it on, the better it smells. I think I'm going to go up to the 24 HR. CVS and buy a bottle. I can't NOT. Wow. And I finally put some clothing and shoes up on eBay, and I think I'm going to put some more on there tonight. Also~getting ready for the Super Bowl!!! Let's go Patriots. (I'm NOT a Brady fan AT ALL, but to make my hubby happy, they better win Sunday.) I have the day off from work, and I'm looking forward to it. I have a very strange schedule this week, - I'm off every other day. It's kinda nice, I wish it was permanent. (So I'm off Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday.) This is the first week they gave me three days off,(maybe they did listen to my request for a little break.) I'm even thinking about starting back at the gym this week. Lifting weights again, ~ I'm actually excited about it. Maybe I'm finally starting to come out of my depression induced haze of legal entanglements. Or did I say that backwards? Whatever is right,- ya'll know what I mean. I'm starting to kick my own butt back into gear. (Boy do I need this.) I'm kinda proud of myself,.....well I will be when I'm back and lifting weights. Okay,....baby steps,- right? I'll let ya know how this week goes. Yay me.

Condo living-NOT so great

2012-02-01T17:16:00.003-05:00

Okay,-so here's another reason why I REALLY dislike condo living; we have had our condo freshly painted, and carpeted, and as a result our furniture there was all moved and covered to the middle of each room. Now remind you, we haven't lived there in years, and we do go there sometimes to go sit on the beach in the evening when the mood strikes us, so there is no warning when we do this. SO~we get to the condo yesterday, and we had already talked with our realtor who has asked us when she can start showing it, and we told her Feb.1st, being that the furniture will all be gone by then, and we went there yesterday to do some minor cleaning and packing of little things we had there still, that we wanted. Well-we figured out that as the day went on, we were missing numerous items. An office chair to our desk, two tool boxes in our hallway closet, a garbage can that fit into our kitchen cabinet pullout, and a beautiful three foot high glass vase with some fake calla lilies in it,....I mean it was one thing after another after another,....so we made a list, and emailed the condo office, and sure enough we called this morning and found out that the stuff was taken by the condo mgr. who let herself in when we weren't there, after she heard we were giving all our furniture away for donation. Can you believe that? Just let herself in?! That's a lawsuit right there,....I'm telling ya,....we were STEAMING MAD, but kept it civil,...but I just can't believe someone would think it's okay to do that, and think we wouldn't know. Just crazy,....people are desperate now-a-days I guess, but really?, a garbage can?,....I mean we wouldn't care but it fits in the holder in the cabinet, so we kinda want it, ya know? And the vase with the fake flowers in it was part of our wedding arrangements,.....it just galls me, that's all,.......I'm just at the point now where I don't trust ANYONE at all. Never again with a condo,-asshole people. Keep proving me right when I say animals are so much above us; humans. Never cease to amaze me at how greedy, mean, stupid, and selfish we are.

FINALLY

2012-01-31T22:38:00.003-05:00

Okay so I couldn't upload all the pictures,....only the ones of the view from the two balconies. The east view is the ocean, and the west view is the city view,...I fell in love with it the first time I saw it, and knew we had to have this place. As of today it's officially up for sale. Happy camper I am.

One step closer

2012-01-31T13:36:00.002-05:00

My husband is at our condo, getting rid of all the furniture there as I write this. I hope it looks as good as I remember it, being all freshly painted and new carpet put in. I remember the first time we walked into that place, and I said,'this is it,' I knew immediately that was what we were looking for. I thought that would be the last place we'd ever live. I really did. Boy-was I ever wrong! Not even close, and here we are 14 years later, putting our dream place,(supposedly) up for sale. We will get another place on the beach. Just NOT in a high rise building. I can't take it. Too stuffy, and I hate not being able to walk outside whenever I want to without going down the long hall, get in the elevator, go out numerous doors, and down to the garage, or out back where the pool is and beach,....it's just not what we want anymore, we outgrew it I guess. (Or realized we will sacrifice other things for a yard, etc.) Anyways~ not trying to sound like a brat, but unless you've lived in a highrise, it's kinda hard to understand I guess. It takes 20 mins. alone just to go out and get down to your car practically. That drives me crazy. I loved the house we were in until everything happened here. Now it's just full of nightmare memories, and horrible feelings that have changed us both for the worst. (And I know I'll never be the same again,-ever, from the mishap of this nightmare of a place. NEVER. My doctor has told me that I'm a changed person whether I want to face it or not,...I am. Not for the better either.) I startle so easily now, I'm a nervous wreck all of the time, I hate walking out of our house always, thinking cops will be out there surrounding us again,....even in our backyard I feel like we are under a microscope. I'm just not comfortable here, and I'm aloud to be like that from our experience, and she says it's very understandable and expected. Both my husband and I show every symptom from post traumatic disorders. It's horrible and this is 4 years after the fact. The best thing we will ever do in our lives is to move from here, and today, getting our condo in order, and ready to be put on the market TODAY is one step closer. I'm smiling big today, (it also helps that I'm off from work too.) Happy me.

Heavy sigh

2012-01-29T00:13:00.003-05:00

Yesterday was the day from hell. I went to work all fine and dandy, and went to get something to eat like I always do,(a McDonalds salad,) and I got there and there was a drive-thru line around the building. Then-I go in and order, and come out, get in my car and realize my gas light is on, so I need to get gas,...so on the way back to work, I checked my food as I pull in to get gas, and my food was totally wrong, so I got mad and instead of going back I got pissed and threw it out while I was getting gas. Then - this asshole on the other side of the pump was getting gas too, and he was,(what else?) on his cellphone oblivious to the world around him. He comes across the island WITH THE GAS STILL PUMPING OUT OF THE HOSE, and STILL talking on his damn cellphone and goes to throw something out (the garbage can was on my side,) and he poured gas down one of my legs, into my sock, and all over my sneaker! I was livid. I yelled at him that he was an asshole, and maybe if he wasn't on his damn cellphone and use his brain just a little bit,.....he wouldn't put other people in danger!!! He's lucky I didn't TAKE his cellphone and throw it across the street. I'm not kidding either. FUR-I-OUS. THEN- I get back to work, and my (good) eyeglasses fall off my head, and break. By the time I got back INTO work, I was in tears, and asked everyone if they minded if I went home early,....(they didn't,) and I cleaned up my area, finished what I was doing before I left, and went home early. And that was that. Yesterday couldn't be over quick enough. (Thank goodness no one was hurt,...especially that idiot at the gas station.) So yeah,.....I'm glad it's over.

Can't give it away

2012-01-24T13:16:00.004-05:00

Today I'm taking a couple of people to go look at the furniture that's in our beach condo, because, -believe it or not, -you can't give away free furniture apparently. I have called everyone and every place under the sun, (and in the phone book,) and NO ONE but NO ONE wants good, used, furniture if; A-it's in a high-rise, B-they don't know what it is, C-they need pictures and lists, etc. Forget that! I finally found a place that will pick it up sight unseen, and empty the entire contents of the condo, but it's not until Jan.31st. It's beautiful free furniture,....someone could make some money off of it, but we just need it out of the condo so we can put it up for sale and show it. I mean, we have no kids, and no pets were there,...so believe me the furniture is beautiful. I never realized how hard it was to give it away. Geesh. I mean really, what a pain in the ass. It's free, just come pick it up. Damn. So yeah, that's going to be my day, having these people follow me, come look at it, and take it hopefully all. Other than that, no plans, just relaxing,....eBaying, and playing with the kittehs. We'll be so happy when we finally do sell that place,.....and we just found out that we have an extra beach locker there, and can you believe?! People are buying beach lockers in our building for $1000!!!! Holy mackerel! That's crazy. So that basically will pay for the new carpet we just put in. Can't wait to get out of here. Every little step we get closer, I realize how much this place hurts us, and how much it holds us down. It's depressing. (You have no idea.) And some pretty hard decisions will have to be made concerning Sugar, but I can't think about that yet. My little baby. Okay, I have to go do cardio, so I'm off.

2012-01-19T00:25:00.003-05:00

Okay-so I'm blogging from my new IPhone 4 now. (Just trying it out.) I don't like to peck-type, and I didn't teach myself to type to peck at keys like this. Anyways-work is still kicking my butt big-time. Catching up still from the holidays. Things are still moving along with our condo on the beach. Tomorrow the new carpet will be put in and it's already been totally painted, so a lot going on there. And a lotta stress. At one point we had painters,carpet people, and a real estate agent there all waiting for us at once. Too much stress. (For us at least.) We usually don't get that much done in six months let alone one day. Okay. Enough is enough, and we are so close to actually getting it done and I'm soooo excited. It's a big step for us. FINALLY getting this done. And THEN we get the house started! Can't wait,can't wait, can't wait! (Did I say I can't wait?!!) Also I'm still shopping eBay and getting AWESOME DEALS. I just got a Kenneth Cole No Slouch bag for only $51!!! And today someone actually got a Michael Kors Skorpios bag for $199! (That's just sic. It's an $800 bag for Gods sake.) So yeah, the deals are there if you have the time, money, and patience. (Trust me, it pays off.) I know I sound like a broken record, but the deals are there to be had. Wish I had more money, ( I would've bid on that MK bag.) that will be my next deal I tell ya. It will be. So I'm off to 'wash that gray right outta my hair!' (I'm too lazy to go to a salon right now. I even got frustrated last night and just chopped off about three inches of hair and you can't even tell I cut it!!!) Oh well. Saturday is our 22 year anniversary from our first date and we've been together ever since, so I wanna look nice, hence the hair coloring, so off I go!

2012-01-13T13:26:00.002-05:00

I'm on my new IPad and I love this thing! It's great for reading, playing games, watching movies, etc. but to write emails, and blogging,- NOT. Not impressed with that part. I still love it. Things are uneventful here, work is making me crazy still. I officially asked to have my hours cut,- so I will see if that happens. I have Sunday and Monday off so hopefully some fun will be had soon. And I still haven't put anything up on eBay yet. I don't know why I'm procrastinating. Just laziness I guess. I'm doing cardio everyday,...it's helping, but I know I still eventually have to get back in the gym. I have to. Lifting weights made me feel like nothing else ever could. It made me feel empowered, like I could accomplish anything, and just now it's starting to really set in how much I really do miss it, (and need it mentally, AND physically.) Its just so hard to get back into it again, and to be honest a little of it is vanity. It's hard for me to have people who used to see me in shape all the time see me like I am now, and I'm embarrassed. I mean I really am. I want to even go to a different gym but my husband doesn't like the idea of me going where he doesn't know anyone, and I understand that, but I feel like I have to start fresh, I dont want to feel already down before I even get there,....knowing I have to see people that are going to think 'whow,-what happened to her? She really got outta shape!' and that will be going thru my head the whole time I'm getting ready to go, on my drive to go, and the whole time I'm there, so why go? And that's why and how I'm not going to the gym still. I can't face it. I just can't. Not yet at least. I know eventually I will, but not just yet. Alright, I do have to get some cardio in before work, see ya!

Day after day

2012-01-11T00:23:00.003-05:00

I was off today and worked a gruelling day at work yesterday. I worked from 2pm to 2:30 am. Inventory. And it really sucks when your manager doesn't have faith in his assistant mgr. and delegates things that the asst. mgr. should be doing to a few trustworthy, caring employees. Not happy. I'm friends with my mgr. at work, and would do just about anything for him. I respect him, and he works harder than anyone I've ever worked with, but there is a line. And it's getting closer and closer. I mean, I'm what they call a shift mgr. but that's it. I don't want to be asst. mgr. even tho I've been asked numerous times to officially fill the position. They finally hire one, and this guy is totally, totally useless. He does none of the responsibilities that he should be doing and is required of him, and delegates anything that he is suppose to do, to everyone else. So basically he's doing NOTHING and getting paid for it. I could spit nails, I'm so aggravated. Fed up and aggravated. My co-worker and I have had numerous talks with our mgr. about all this, and nothing changes. There's two of us that he leans on heavily, and we end up doing all the little extra stuff that mgr.s and asst. mgr.s are paid to do, and WE end up doing it. We don't get paid like management, so why should I do all this stuff? This is exactly why I DONT WANT any of those positions. I want to do my job and go home. That's it. Okay,.....I'm done ranting,...and venting,.......I guess I just had to get it off my chest. I promise I'm done. (I've even requested to have my hours cut from 40+ down to 30hrs. a week.) I just don't want all the headaches that's been piled on me. I don't want it. D O N E. So anyways,..........still waiting for my Ipad to arrive. I think I should get it today sometime. I can't wait. I'm sooooooo excited. All the stuff you can do,....it'll be great. (I know I'm behind the times, but I'm catching up slow but sure. That's me,....slow and steady,.....) The only other things I've been doing is going with my hubby to our beach condo and getting it ready to show. Carpet put in will be next, and then move all the furniture out, and we are ready. Can't wait to officially put it up for sale. I'll post pics when it's all done. Can't wait,...can't wait,...can't wait.

Bidding and biting my nails

2012-01-07T21:57:00.004-05:00

So today I've been on eBay on and off all day, and looking at Ipads, and deciding, trying, figuring, etc. I've been weighing options, and I've come to the conclusion that I only want wifi,...and it really doesn't matter what color it is, altho I like the white better, but eventually I narrowed it down and caved,....I bought it now, a Ipad 1, wifi only, black, 16gb, for $285. Not bad, huh? I can't wait to get it. It said it was like new,...so I'll see if I even like it. For that kinda money, I don't feel so bad if it ends up being not what I wanted,....and/or, unhappy with what it's capable of doing and not doing. (Compared to paying $600 new, -or more.) THAT, I just can't justify. I also got this week,...something I've been hawking for at least a year,.....a Tiffany & Co. Portfolio, medium sized watch,...I got it for like $250,....beautiful watch,....I'm telling ya,...there are deals to be had on there. So many deals, and so little time. I should start a business with finding great designer stuff on eBay, because it's there to be had, and if you know what to look for. It really is. I still want a Kenneth Cole No Slouch bag in black,...and a Pamela Love rock ring,.....and a Gucci sterling horsebit bracelet,...and I could go on and on. All there. Just waiting to be bidded on, and lovingly bought by someone, who will wear it happily, and show it off. Anyways~ my mother is recovering nicely,...my brother has been staying there this week, and this weekend my sister and niece are staying with her.(I've been calling her every single day. I wish I could stay there to take care of her. Makes me sad, and I feel horribly guilty that I'm not.) She has a back brace on that she has to wear for almost SIX MONTHS. Six months. Good Lord,.....and the closing on her condo is going to be Jan. 26th. I'm glad about that, because the condo she's buying is on the FIRST floor, and the condo she's renting now and living in, is on the second floor. Not what she needs right now. My aunt and uncle from N.Y. are coming down to check on my mom and visit. (My mom's sister and her husband, who we all adore. They are SO FUN to be around. I think they got scared when my sister called them to tell them about her fall.) So they are coming the last week of January. (I can't wait to see them.) The weather here is nice and cool,....and I've been loving it. Going outside with Munky every night, and enjoying it. Beautiful. I love when it gets in the 40's. Love, love, love. (Who knows, maybe I will love the winters in Canada,....) I'll keep ya posted on the Ipad. We'll see about all the hoopla. If I'm loving the Ipad like I love my Iphone, I'll be one happy girl.

Hate the holidays, and thank god they are over

2012-01-04T11:31:00.003-05:00

Happy (late) New Year. Started off uneventful, (just how I like,) but didn't stay that way. On New Year's Day we drove to Fort Pierce, to my sister's, and had a big turkey dinner, my brother, cousins, sister and brother-in-law, niece were all there. Had a nice relaxing, fun time. Everyone talking, laughing, taking pictures, picking at food, cleaning the kitchen, etc. At about 8:30pm, my mom decides she wants to go, she's getting too tired, so she's ready,(and believe me, when she's like that, there is no stopping her.) My sister's house is on stilts, and the front door has a porch outside, and some very steep stairs. Well, my mother gets ready to go, with all of us scrambling to walk her out,....and she starts down the stairs,...and well, you can guess. She got to the bottom last three stairs, and thought she was all the way down, and took a tumble. She hit grass, but she was in agony from her back, we had to call 911, and she went to the hospital, and that's how we all spent the rest of the three days we were there. With her in the hospital.(She fractured a vertebrae.) Happy New Year,...............yeah, - whatever. I hate the holidays. Hate 'em. Hope everyone else had a happy, fun, SAFE, New Year.

Happy belated Holidays

2011-12-28T11:54:00.003-05:00

Post Merry Christmas,(or Happy Hanukkah.) Hope everyone had a great holiday. All's well with us here. Believe it or not it was like Thanksgiving all over again, and that was GREAT. Perfect for us. No pressure, no surprises,....just good food, laughing, and spending time together with my SIL. Perfect. All my drama with my cellphone is over, and it's working perfect and I love it. I really understand how people become addicted to these darn phones. I find something new on it everyday,-it's fun. Nothing planned for New Year's Eve,(I call it amateur night,) and I refuse to go anywhere, or drive at all, (unless I'm working, -which I am, until 11pm.) Soooo~New Year's day we are driving to my mom's, and staying overnight, it will be the first time my hubby will see her new condo, and she's very excited. I can' t wait to see her, and spend some time with her and my brother, sister, niece, and cousins who will all be there. I so LOVE family time, and the older I get, the more important it is to me. Too bad we will be moving so far away eventually,....family time will be even less, and that part I'm NOT looking forward to. I will have to make our own time together than even more special when we are up in Canada. We spent yesterday,(my hubby's birthday,) at our beach condo with painters, contractors, and real estate agents, trying to figure out how to make the most of it, to get it ready to put it up for sale. Not what I planned really, but we had to do it, and it got done,- and plans have been made, which is a very big step for us to all agree on, so in reality, a lot got done. A L O T. Kind of a big relief even. We spent hours into the night even, packing up what we did have left there, and bringing it all to the house here. (Munky was NOT happy. Poor little thing hid in our bedroom for hours no matter how I tried to coax her out.) All the new boxes became too much and she finally came out and had to investigate. So cute. She goes thru her little emotions, first she's scared, then curiosity gets the better of her, and she smells everything, than she will actually climb on stuff, and really get into it,-she's very cute the way she goes about it. New spots to explore, sleep and hide. (Just the thought of actually traveling with her up to Canada scares the ba-jesus outta me. She is too high-strung, and I'm scared I might have to give her something to keep her calm, and I HATE that. I can't think of that now and make myself sick over it, I have too many other things to do that to myself right now.) Any-who,........so that's the round up of all the news here,...nothing new or exciting,....just life. My boring life,.....that I love,....with my hubby, and kittehs,....yup,.......nothing new, just like I like it.

Just dealing with life

2011-12-21T02:12:00.003-05:00

I got my not-so-new-now-Iphone, and I LLLLOOOVVVEEE it. (I bought an Otterprotector for it now at my hubby's insistence.) I really love this phone. I didn't realize how much you can do, and all the apps, and the touchscreen. I'll never go back to a Blackberry again. The screen is just so much bigger and better, and brighter. (Am I going overboard here?) I might not even buy a tablet now, 'cause when I'm bed and I can't sleep, I get on my Iphone. Love it. Okay,-enough. I'm done. So,....I'm trying to not go crazy on eBay, I've found so many great deals for designer stuff, it's overwhelming. I'm going to just settle on a great pair of leopard platform pumps that I've been hawking for awhile. There is also a gorgeous Furla bag, and a pair of Jeffrey Campbell shoes, and some vintage Chanel earrings, and,....I could go on and on. And you know the sad thing? We don't go out anymore for me to wear any of this stuff. Ever. Not like we used to. I mean we used to go out to great places, and dinners, when we lived in Coconut Grove,...but now,...we're lucky we go to Outback or anything. Just not into in anymore. Is that part of getting older? I'm trying to figure out myself. I thought I'd always be 'in shape', and stay 30 yrs. old. Forever and ever, and now,...I just feel like my best years are behind me, and I'm having a hard time dealing with that. I mean I'm the 'older lady' now,...or 'ma'am', or who knows,....that's hard to deal with. Any ideas, and comments, any thoughts? Anything? Help,......

The three Bobbi Brown's

2011-12-19T11:39:00.007-05:00

lur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kQTw4UnUcX4/Tu9uWWYuAaI/AAAAAAAAAqY/K2xQmhswdbA/s1600/bobbi-brown-make%2Bup%2Brules.jpg">

I really wish someone would've told me I'm going to get older no matter what. Even when I was 35 I didn't think of 45 or 5o. (And actually from 35 to 40 I looked the best I ever looked believe it or not. I was 96 lbs. with abs, and weightlifting/cardio-ing like crazy. Hey-I'm barely 5".) So yeah, here I am close to 50, about 30 lbs. overweight, and not even caring like I should. Oh~ and still wanting to do, say, act, dress, and be the same way I was when I was in my 20's. What is wrong with me? The one thing I have learned and I'm very aware of and sensitive about is, I don't want to dress like I'm 20-something like you see so many older women try to do,....I shop now at different stores for clothing, and I'm very aware of outfits I wear. I don't care how good some 40 or 50 yr. old woman looks, she SHOULDN'T be dressing like a 20 yr. old. The other thing that bothers me, and I'm guilty of it right now ONLY because my husband said I'd have to sleep in my car the rest of my life is if I cut my hair short. I hate when older woman have long hair, it just doesn't look right. (I mean long hair like down to your waist.) I want to cut my hair off, but he keeps telling me not to. I look ridiculous with long hair in my late 40s, and I know it! It's embarrassing. I wear it up or in a ponytail almost all the time anyways,...but gawd, I wanna nice, chic haircut that is age-appropriate,....he keeps telling me when I get back in shape that my long hair will look 'right' again. Fat chance. I really don't agree with that, but I do listen to my husband, and I do want him to be happy with me, so I don't cut my hair off for a while, but I will cut it shorter and shorter to get him used to it, and that's my plan. So yeah,...aging,....very hard to do gracefully, at least for me. So here is basically me in a nutshell about getting older, the Bobbi Brown's of my time. The Bobbi Brown of my 20's was my idol, I wanted to be her, look like her, and be in videos,...yeah, -whatever,-...then there was Bobby Brown in my 30's that was married to Whitney Houston, and I just wanted to wrap my hands around his neck and shake some sense into him. And last but not least,...there is Bobbi Brown of today,(in my 40's,) of makeup fame and how to look age appropriate and more importantly, how to look younger wearing the right makeup. So yup,...that's me.

Should've stayed home all day

2011-12-17T10:06:00.004-05:00

Okay,-so this is how my day went yesterday,....(and it just goes to show I shouldn't leave the house,)......my husband calls me and asks me to meet him at Sam's Club,(we both had some errands to run, and I left before he did, so we took two cars,....I'm impatient, what can I tell ya,...)......soooo,...I meet my husband at Sam's Club, and he gave me an early X-mas present,....he got me an Iphone, and I was so excited I was like a kid on X-mas!!! All the stuff it does,...and the gadgets, apps, etc. It's GREAT,...make a long story short,...not even three hours later at home, the Iphone slides off the counter and falls face down and cracks the whole screen. NOT EVEN THREE FREAKIN' HOURS. Is that a record or something? I mean,...I can't be left alone with anything. I'm my husband's bad little cousin who broke all his toys. My Gawd. Needless to say, I cried my eyes out, and now I'm out a phone for the next few days. I'm just sooooooo mad at myself. I watched it fall as if it was in slow motion. I couldn't believe it. I stood there for like 15 seconds in disbelief telling myself that that really didn't just happen,....but it did. I went to bed soon after that, and had bad dreams all night about my alarm not going off, and not making it into work because I had no cellphone. Weird how your mind works. This is the first time I've had no cellphone since they came out. No. Cell. Phone. I feel unsafe. I really do. I know it's only for a few days, and I work literally 1 minute from home, but still. Unsafe. Yeah,....I'm going to stick with buying Munky and Sugar stuff for X-mas,...that will be safe.

Just tired from working but I LOVE her

2011-12-16T12:10:00.006-05:00

It's been almost a week since I've posted, and work is kicking my butt. I have today off but that's it. I am soooo tired, and I'm going to just lay low with my hubby and the kittehs. Maybe I'll actually put some X-mas decorations up. (Bah-Humbug.) We'll see how lazy I am. I might put some stuff on eBay to sell,....I have the bug again to start eBaying. (I become obsessed with eBay and the stuff I find on there. It's a very slippery slope!) I wish I was more exciting and had something major planned, or that I could tell. Nothing. (Really,....how boring am I?) Let's see,...how 'bout a 'wish list' if someone could pick anything they want for the holidays? Okay,...here's what I'd wish for:
*For all animals to have a healthy happy life, - that's first and foremost to me.
*For people to get jobs that they need,
Now for the real stuff!
*A Loree Rodkin shopping spree,
*One of those $$$ custom-made cat trees for Munky and Sugar,
*A mid-century modern complete bedroom set,
*An endless supply of Pureology hair products,
*A computer tablet,which I am going to get very soon,...
.........and that's it really. (OK, I AM really boring right now,...it's just 'cause I'm tired.)
I'm going to go eBay now, and hawk some more stuff. I'll be back when I'm interesting!

Just stuff

2011-12-10T12:08:00.006-05:00

Okay, so the last time I was here, I was gettin' ready to watch some football, to which the Raiders lost horribly. (NOT happy.) Still had a great day that day. Yesterday I had off, and I went shopping at Sawgrass Mills Mall. It's soooo big that I didn't get to more than half of it. I planned on shopping for my niece, mom, hubby, and SIL. Instead I bought two pairs of shoes and a gorgeous turquoise and sterling necklace from the David Yurman outlet. Yup. I'm horrible. I did get two little cellphone holders from the Coach outlet for the two girls next door for X-mas. So I'm pretty good now with getting X-mas stuff for the exception of my hubby.(The hardest person in the world to buy for.) I spent the day there at the mall,....and I don't think I'd go back til after X-mas. I love how X-mas season officially starts literally the day after Halloween. (Enough to make anyone crazy by the time December finally rolls around, and you wanna scream with hearing the music come Dec.25th!!!) Nothing else really going on,....my doctor appt. was cancelled at the last minute, so I have to wait for my blood test results two more weeks, and my hubby's surgery was cancelled due to his high blood pressure which is more of a result from stress about this surgery than him actually having high blood pressure. Sucks. Limbo again. So,...having fun with the kittehs and their antics. When the weather gets cool, for some reason the cats get frisky-er. They wanna run and play, and run some more, which is adorable. Munky and Sugar are just so cute together when they play it kills me.(I have no idea if we will be able to take Sugar with us when we move,...he is so adjusted to this area, but I will cry my eyes out, and forever worry about him if we don't. We will just have to see.) So again, that's all the boring stuff going on here in our little lives. Can't wait for Jan. 1st. Just want X-mas thing over with,...BAH-HUMBUG.

Football Sunday

2011-12-04T12:54:00.003-05:00

Getting ready to watch the Dolphins-Raider game. (GO Raiders!) Tomorrow we are planning on doing some work to our condo,(putting in new carpet,) and my husband started putting in new screens here at the house.(We'll be putting a for sale sign up sooner and sooner!) Also this week my husband will be having a cancer spot removed from his back. It's really pretty big, but supposedly it's pretty contained we are told and there will be no need for anything further. I've been pretty hesitant to even talk about it, as you say cancer, and I immediately start to shake and cry. My father, my nana, both in-laws, and my husband's sister all gone. So, obviously I hear the big C, and don't react well. So I'm very hesitant to talk about it, (I haven't even told my family, only his sister knows about it,) and that's all I'm gonna say. So I'm off to cook some breakfast for us, and watch some football. I'll write more later probably. GO OAKLAND!

All about him

2011-11-28T13:23:00.003-05:00

So I'm off today too, and my hubby has a doctor's appt. and we are going to try to do some work around the house. (He's getting more motivated, because he wants outta here as bad as I do. We are finally coming out of our haze from our legal hassles, and there is light at the end of the tunnel, and it's up to us as to how quick we can get there.) I'm also making another turkey dinner tonight, like I said,-we didn't get any leftovers from my sister when we went on Thursday, so I'm making our own Thanksgiving dinner tonight so we can have yummy leftovers all week. (Nothing wrong with that.) I've been putting some stuff on layaway at various places for my niece, and the two girls next door for X-mas, (my niece likes Dooney & Bourke, and the two girls next door like Coach,) so every time I see something on sale, I grab 'em. I still can't find anything for my hubby, he is just the hardest person to buy for, and sometimes he's just too practical. (What a picture I must paint of him on here, he looks the exact opposite of how I make him sound.) He's very conservative in his views and how to treat people, and he is very-for lack of a better word,-honorable,....to a fault even.Educated, well spoken, and very old-school Canadian. And if you saw him you'd see this big, muscleman,sleeve-tattooed man, with steel blue eyes, and a wicked dry sense of humor. He's MY knight in shining armor, believe me, there is no one better, smarter, or more handsome in my eyes! And that's how it should be,....anyways, I think the big mountain of a man just got up, so our day will start, gotta run,........be back soon.

Post Happy Thanksgiving

2011-11-27T12:23:00.003-05:00

Had a great Thanksgiving. Family, friends, good food, happy animals,....and we were all together, and having fun, and THAT'S why Thanksgiving is my FAVORITE holiday. Love it. It just goes by too damn fast. (Insert sad face with a poochy bottom lip sticking out.) I have pictures, and I will put them up as soon as I can here. We went to my sister's house in Fort Pierce,(and it was gorgeous weather,) and thus, we have no leftovers to eat, so tonight I will be making my own turkey dinner, so we all can have yummy leftovers to eat all week! So that's going to be our day today, watching football, and cooking. Yay us. Already having a fun day too with Munky. For some reason she is in a really funny mood, running around and playing and doing acrobatics! It's like she knows we are in a good mood, and looking forward to a fun, relaxing day. (So cute, - my baby.) Short and sweet,....more to come soon.

Just gettin' ready for my fave holiday

2011-11-21T16:16:00.002-05:00

Thanksgiving is 3 days away, and I can't wait. At work this is our busiest week of the year, and the day before Thanksgiving is our busiest day of the year. I love it right now, I only wish the weather was nice and cool. (Still in the 70's and 80's,....ick.) Can't wait to see my family, can't wait for dinner, can't wait for the day. My favorite, favorite holiday of the year. I'm actually watching a 'Friends' marathon, Munky is sitting with me, and my hubby is taking a nap,(obviously I'm off from work today.) Great day. And tomorrow, I'm suppose to get my blood-work done in the morning,...and I'm not looking forward to it. I really hate needles,....I've passed out before while giving blood. Yeah, I'm that person. I have/had multiple tattoos, and piercings, and for some reason I can handle those, but blood-work, stitches, staples in skin really skeeve me out to no end. I can see them even in a movie and I start to heeve really bad, like to the point where I HAVE thrown-up. It's gross I know. And last night we started to watch 'The Walking Dead' and this girl broke these live chickens legs, and fed them to zombies and I got so upset I walked outta the room, and boycotted watching the show anymore, and cried my eyes out. Do you think I'm a little sensitive about animals being hurt? Just a wee bit. I'm going to try to go to this Animal Advocate class the ASACP(is that right?) and the (in)Humane Society is having to help people who want to help animal causes more next week. I really want to do that. I'm so adamant about helping all animals, all the time. It's the one constant I've had my entire life,....my little fur/feather babies. Anyways,....just getting ready for my week. Can't wait,....and this is the week I'm smiling,.....love it! Happy Thanksgiving you guys. (Even I know I have a lot to be thankful for, and I am.)

Bay of Fundy in Canada

2011-11-17T20:14:00.006-05:00

Been keeping busy with work, and looking online for properties for sale in Canada. The day we leave this stinking area I will jump for joy. I've found some stunning waterfront homes with lotsa land,....gorgeous places, but what do you do for work? I mean,....I think I could find a job just about anywhere really,....but it is better to have more options than less,-right? But planning anything with my husband is like pulling teeth,...he can't even plan something an hour from now,....it's very frustrating, but I've been living with it for years, so I can't really complain, we make do, -or I do at least. (My mom is the type that plans trips for two years from now and will have every minute detail figured out,....so yeah, it is kinda hard with my hubby.) I just want to blink, and be moved, and settled, and make some friends,...get our life going again. I feel like we are waiting for our life to start,....and this now is just us bidding our time until we get outta here. (Shouldn't be like that I know,....since my father, and both my in-laws have passed, you'd think my husband woulda learned that time is of the essence, but how soon they forget. Not me,....I'd do something everyday to make me happy,...whether it be with Munky and Sugar, my hubby, my mom,....writing here, I gotta do something just for me every single day, than I know my time isn't wasted.) Soooo~ took yesterday and today off from work, just needed some time with my hubby. Got some much needed errands accomplished today,...so at least we can cross some stuff off. And I can't believe Thanksgiving is a week from today,....my favorite holiday,...that I wait for allllll year long,...it's going to go by too quick. I know it. We are driving to Fort Pierce to my sisters home and my mom and both brothers will be there, it will be the first time in over 10 years we will all be together for Thanksgiving. So nice. My SIL is even coming-which I am very happy and excited about. I'm gonna try to take lotsa pictures,...maybe I'll even post some and you can see my sister's gorgeous home on the ocean. GORGEOUS. I almost had my husband talked into buying a house in the same neighborhood, but it was across the street from the ocean, with a home in between, and my husband just wouldn't do it, no matter how gorgeous the home and neighborhood was. (I was very sad tho. There might have even been a temper tantrum involved, -SORRY.I know- I'm a total brat sometimes.) I'm making a homemade bourbon pecan pie, and bringing a butterscotch rum cake from my friend's rum cake company that I've been helping promote. I've never had such a great rum cake in all my life,....it is to die for!!! Anyways, so that's all the news with me. (And yes,-I'm still taking care of my little duck family at work, and they are ALL accounted for and fine.) I'll check back with ya'll tomorrow. See ya.

Do you feel lucky punk?

2011-11-13T13:24:00.004-05:00

Yesterday was our 5-year WEDDING anniversary. Mind you I don't really count that as our anniversary though. Our real anniversary of our first date is what I usually count, which was Jan.21st, 1990. But still, my husband got me a card, and I got him one,....the only time we celebrated it was our first wedding anniversary we gave gifts, and after that we said we'd really only do cards,-no pressure. So~I'm home today, and I'm going to cook a nice dinner, and we will hangout and watch football, watch 'Walking Dead', and make some plans to do some work at our condo tomorrow. (Could I be any MORE boring?) I was invited by my newly re-acquainted girlfriend to go to lunch today, but I backed out. I'm too tired, lazy, insert whatever word you want. I'm just not up for that yet, or at least today. I called her and apologized profusely, and she understood,(thank goodness.) My mom also called and she bought a new condo in the place she's renting at. She's very excited. She's going to live in the one she's renting until the lease is up and have all the work done to the one she bought, so the best of both worlds. I just hope it's not too much for her,...even doing that, all that kinda stuff can get very stressful. I told her I would go up there for a week in January and try to help out a little bit, oversee some stuff. (Believe me-after getting this house done after our ordeal, I can be a real bitch when I have to be and I don't play games, just straight up, that's how we want it, and if you can't do it, I'll find someone who will.) Yep. I don't have the time or patience for games when it comes to work being done on where you live. NONE. I guess that could be my silver lining in all that time,...I learned to stand up for what I want, and how it's done, and don't take any bulls*&% anymore, or care about being the proper sweet girl,- I just want it done, and done right, and done the way we want. Period. So yeah, I will go up and see what my sister and brother-in-law have planned to help out, and go try to help out too. What else? Wanna hear another story about my rage? Well,.....I was at work last night, and the last few months I have been taking care of this little duck mommy and her ducklings, I bring them food everyday, and give them fresh water, and they are the sweetest little things. They see me, and run to me,....it is so cute, and sweet. She started out with 13, and she's down to 2 ducklings left, and that kills me, but I can't be there all the time. So last night I looked out and the ducks were in one of two spots that they like to sleep. I watch over them like a momma bear,....and I see these two young kids standing there and an older boy,....and then I see the older boy like kick dirt at the ducks, and laughing. So by the time I could unlock the door to go outside, he ended up throwing his lit cigarette butt at them, and hit one of them. I jumped up and ran out there so fast, huffing and puffing, I was lucky I was coherent I was so enraged. (Pig of a boy to do. What kinda person does that and thinks its funny?) Because he was laughing when I got there,....and I yelled "Did you just throw that lit cigarette at them?",....I started yelling at him and threatening him, and telling him if he had a problem with me, to do something about it, here and now, and on and on and on. I scared the little kids, and the young man,(he was about 17,) didn't know what to do,...he just sat there staring at me, mouth slightly open and cowering. (He sure wasn't cowering when he hit my momma duck with the lit cigarette was he?!) And soon as I got there, (this part is so cute, the momma duck and babies ran to me, and stood behind me.) I couldn't stop shaking for hours,....I told that boy,-guy,-young man, whatever the hell he was, that I wasn't leaving until he left, and took the younger ones with him, and how he wasn't setting the right example for them. Yeah, I went off,....but how could someone do that? I KNOW a lot worse gets done to animals, and it's so hard to realize, and know, and I can't do a damn thing about it. So needless to say, I waited til they left, (he was driving believe it or not,) without one word being uttered back to me, and I made the little family move to the other spot they like to stay (which is hidden,) in case that idiot came back to try something more. I'm on the lookout for that guy. Thank god where I sit, I look over where the ducks stay, play, eat, etc. I swear, if it came to blows, I don't know what I would've done, the way my anger is. I know that words are big, but I am that angry. I really am,...and I'm going to a doctor to help with that after our fiasco, but I don't know if I'll ever not be angry again. I honestly don't, and I swear, I get enraged. So,...that was my little saga,....I'm still pissed tho,.....let me catch that kid around,......

Likes and Dislikes I guess

2011-11-06T22:50:00.003-05:00

Let's see,...I went to the drugstore yesterday before work, and I bought this nail polish that I saw on someones toes,(believe it or not,) and I bought it, and gave myself a pedicure today, and I have to say, I'm in love with this polish!!! I LOVE it. It's the Milani Jewel FX. This stuff is awesome, it's like jewelry on your feet, (or hands,-whichever.) It looks GREAT. All I wanna do is wear sandals to show them off. Really. What else? My husband just went to the casino, and I finally have some alone time, which I love and never get,(being that my husband doesn't work, so he is almost ALWAYS home.) The second he leaves, off goes the TV, and I love just sitting in the quiet. No noise, no distractions, it's wonderful. I write so much better too. (I do write other than here.) Plus, I think, Munky likes it better too,....she always goes in our bathroom and lays on the bath mat and I think because it's the most quiet room in the house. Sooooo,.....that's just my opinion tho.(It's like a cows opinion, it's a moo point. I love that from 'Friends'.) I'm just silly,-sorry. I sat online looking at homes for sale in Canada last night til all hours of the night. I think it'll best be said that we go there, rent a place, get a real estate agent, and look for what we want. Any other way wouldn't be smart, and I can't believe we even thought we could do that for a second! We came so close to buying this one home in Noel Shore, in Nova Scotia, it was BEAUTIFUL, but in the end we just couldn't do it, not without knowing anything from the area, jobs, -nothing. So we didn't buy it and I STILL think about that home and how gorgeous it would've been, but it was probably too big just for us two,(maybe even three if his sister ever decided to move in with us.) It was 3000 sq.ft. and it was on 5 acres on a cliff overlooking the ocean,......gorgeous, gorgeous home,.....but I hoped, we hoped, and it was not meant to be. I could have had so many animals there,....but it just means there will be another place than,-right? Right. That's what it means to me at least,.....I can't think of it any other way,......or it will make me crazy. It will. I have to think like that with so many things to keep my sanity now-a-days. I just have to,....I just know that I can't stop being negative and paranoid after what we have been thru, and moving away to where there are not alot of people (unlike South Florida,) I will be much better off. I need to be around animals,....they are the only things that make me happy all of the time. They are, they are so sweet, and honest, and just unconditional. When I think of the things that people do to them, and put them thru, it makes me sick, and sad that I am a human being,....we are so selfish, and greedy. Ya know what?, I just have to stop there. I have to go play with Munky and have some fun,...the good kind,-with my baby.

Hindsight

2011-11-06T01:30:00.005-04:00

So it's pretty late, and I've had a few drinks, which I don't really drink, AND,.......I'm watching 'The Town' AGAIN, AND,....my husband is making us french toast and turkey bacon, and I'm a happy little camper. (I have the next two days off from work, and I'm doing a jig!) I'm a happy little camper right now,....so I'm doing good. (If u could c the mistakes I'm making right now, u'd laugh. U'd think I was texting!) Still haven't gotten a new cellphone yet,........what the heck is wrong with me? I'm a lazy girl. I'm a lazy person. Really. Tomorrow they are having a food truck festival in my area,.....I'd like to go, and my hubby said he'd go with me, (my SIL said she'd go with me, but I'm not sure she will tomorrow.) I think it would be fun to go. I dunno'. Right now I want to stay up all night and have fun,....watching movies, and talking, and just having fun with my hubby. Munky is sitting outside right now, in our front door screened-in area, that she likes to sit in, and it's so cool out right now, we have our front door wide open, and it's in the low 60's. (It could be a little cooler, but I'll take it.) I soooooo love this movie. So many things you have to really understand and read into to understand. (It just hits home in so many ways.) My hubby and I have been talking so much about Canada,....I can't wait til we go. I just can't wait.
In hindsight we are all 20/20, don't forget that,.....in every way,....we are all 20/20 in HINDSIGHT.

Finally some nice weather down here

2011-11-05T02:37:00.004-04:00

So what are the odds? This past week we have had the worst luck with our checks being received or 'got'. (As in bills being paid.) Two different checks in the same week were not received and the result was our Cable/Internet being interrupted, and our maintenance payment getting a late fee added at our condo. Wonderful. I'm telling you, we'd have no luck at all if it weren't for bad luck. Jeesh. (Gawd,-U-Verse is a real pain in the ass, let me tell ya. Never again.) This month I'm getting a new cellphone, and I think I'm going to get the new IPhone. I'm thinking about it at least, but still not sure. Everyone has been telling me that the Samsung smartphone is better, so I will check 'em all out,....who knows,....see whats best for me. I've been so good lately,...no shopping at all. Okay,-maybe a tiny bit. Altho I did go to a certain store, and put some gorgeous shoeS on layaway,....so I guess I have shopped a little which is waaayyy too little for me,-I'm jones-ing. I want a real shopping trip, with lunch and everything. And I never went with my friend today before work for lunch and shopping,.....she went tanning instead, and I ended up sleeping until I had to go to work (at 3pm), so I accomplished nothing before work. (Welcome to my world.) Tomorrow I'm going to try to do some cardio before work, and than I have Sunday and Monday off, yay me! What else?.......a chocolate festival is coming to Palm Beach next weekend, I think I'm going to try to drag my husband there,...if I can, and maybe even the Palm Beach Zoo, ( which I would LOVE.) If the weather stays cool like it is now, which would be absolutely PERFECT. It's so beautiful out right now,...the upper 50's, and breezy and clear,....it couldn't be any MORE perfect to me. Everyone's been complaining about it being cold, and I think it's perfect,....I LOVE this weather,....South Floridians are MORONS. I've never seen such idiotic, stupid people in my life, (and I'm from down here,)....hey, they voted in Rick Scott, what do you think? Need I say more. Just move him next to George Bush and you have the blind (and stupid) leading the blind (and stupid.)

I miss my good ole' days

2011-11-01T00:13:00.005-04:00

Soooooo,....off for the next two days, home watching football with my husband and Munky. Very happy I finally got this past week over-and-done-with. Thank god. No news from the new job front. Like I said in my last post, I basically have made my decision anyways, and will probably stay right where I'm at. The holidays are right around the corner, and I can't see starting out low-man-on-the-totem-pole now, and maybe not getting paid the little I am now either. At least I have a chance to make commission where I'm at now, in the new job, it's not possible. So I guess I'm where I'm gonna be. End of story. What else? Getting new stuff in every day practically,....we have this new stuff called 'Adult Chocolate Milk', and I swear to god! people will buy and try anything alcoholic. Anything. And we haven't gotten our Bacon vodka in yet and people are really annoyed with us. Chocolate/Bacon martini's are the newest rage, along with pumpkin anything;beer, wine, or liquor, and everyone is asking for this new flavor in Ciroc vodka, (Puff Daddy/P.Diddy,) Peach Ciroc. OMG. They are driving us crazy with the phone calls, coming in,.....I've actually answered the phone at work saying 'we don't have Peach Ciroc'!!! Yes. I . Have. (I get too aggravated after too many phone calls.) So yeah, that's all my fun. Ummm,....still thinking about an Ipad or a Samsung Galaxy. And I'm leaning toward a Galaxy. It's just got better stuff on it, available for it, and more space. I think that might happen on Friday. Also,-someone I made friends with at work,(a customer who buys wine from me,) invited me to lunch on Friday. Yeay me. I haven't done that in soooo long. I miss it so much. My girlfriend who I just got in touch with again, used to do the best get-togethers. She threw me my wedding shower, (the one and only thing anyone has ever done for me, and I purposely cut her outta my life for three years. How smart am I?) She really knows how to do things up if ya know what I mean. For the first 'Sex and the City' movie, she got a limo for four of us, bought us all 'We are with Big' t-shirts, and a stocked bar in the limo,(I don't even drink,) and got us all tickets to the couch movie theatre in Boca,(the best place to see a movie,) where you can drink alcohol in the movie theatre, and the seats are loveseats that rock or recline. It's SO COMFORTABLE. (For every movie that Russell Crowe has come out with since 'Gladiator', my husband has bought tix to THAT theatre on opening night of the movie for us. Isn't he wonderful?) I hope I go on Friday. I miss getting dressed nice, going to lunch, and then going shopping. I used to do that with my two girlfriends all the time. That was like the best day to me, BEFORE everything happened. I'm almost too paranoid now to do that for a day. I'd constantly be watching everyone around me, (side effects of our legal nightmare,) and if I had to drive anywhere, I'd be watching my rear-view mirror every waking second, and doing u-turns all over the place just to see if someone was following me. Yea, I'm that paranoid. Okay, I'm done now. No more for me to tell.

I'm NOT good with change

2011-10-27T00:40:00.003-04:00

Okay,....so I got offered a job at a pet resort/boarding/medical facility that is right down the street from us here. Do I go for it or what? It would be doing what I love, (being around animals,) and I'm not positive about the details, but I was told that the benefits there are excellent, but not the pay, which is exactly what I'm in now with this liquor company. The pay is horrendous, but the benefits are top notch,.....so what do I do? I am so not good with any kinda change,.....good, bad, or otherwise. I'm so comfortable at where I am right now, but that other job just sounds so fun, and even the not-so-fun parts, I've already done, and know I can handle 'em. I have to go to a 'formal interview' but this mgr. already told me I'm as good as hired. (She even introduced me to everyone as the new employee, while I was there filling out the application.) I'm just torn,....I don't know what to do, but I guess at the formal interview I can ask questions, like about working holidays, or Sundays, or pay, or whatever and then way my pros, and cons. Gosh~ who would've thought? People are out there fighting for jobs they can't get, and I got this situation. I feel guilty too,...I don't know. I honestly don't. I guess I'll just wait-n-see. Any suggestions?

How boring am I

2011-10-22T12:41:00.004-04:00

Sooooo~ nothing new really with me. I have no life,...I work and come home, spend time with the kittehs, and hubby, and then I get on the computer and that's about it. How boring am I? I mean really. I haven't shopped, I haven't eBayed, or anything at all, - how good am I being? And boring like I said. Took Munky to the vet and she got all her shots updated, checked her ears, and clipped her nails, and she was good to go, but when we got home all she did was sleep. For over 24 hours, and she got up once to throw up poor baby. I called the vet and she told me to give her half a Pepcid and it should help her little tummy. We did and about 8 HOURS later she was good as new. Let me tell ya, I'm not doing those shots again for her unless I absolutely have to. I HATE seeing her like that. Hate it. She laid on my husbands pillow and slept the whole time, so we switched, and I laid on my husband's side, and she slept right next to my head. My husband stayed with her while I was at work, and got her to eat a little finally last night. This was very traumatic for me. She IS my child ya know. So, uh,.......that's about it really. Been going and reading some other interesting blogs too. Gawd, I AM BORING.

A little bit of everything

2011-10-20T00:49:00.004-04:00

Okay, so I'm back again. Posts have been few and far between I know.(Sorry.) Work has been hogging all my time. All the orders, all the 'new' stuff like I mentioned in my last post. All the new flavors in vodka are coming out of the wood-work. Peanut butter, cookie dough, bacon,....all vodkas!!! (Scary, - isn't it?) And yes, believe this or not, I talked to another liquor company rep just yesterday, and he was telling me that they actually have a salmon flavored vodka coming out. Ewwwwwww,....can that be any MORE disgusting? I mean really now. Ewwww. What's next?-----anchovie?, sardine?, filet mignon? Enough is enough already. Good God. Soooo~ ummmm,....so yes, work is kicking my butt as it always does starting this time of year. People just get meaner, and meaner too. Like I always say, it NEVER ceases to amaze me. Tomorrow I'm taking Munky to her second vet appt. she has ever had, and I know it won't be easy. I hate seeing her scared, and cry,....it makes me cry. I think she has picked up ear mites, and I have to get that treated. As much as she loves going outside on her walks at night, I'm not so sure it's such a good thing anymore. I'm going to ask our vet to be sure tho. I don't want her walks to be doing her more harm than good. The last time I took her to the vet when she was 9 weeks old was to be spayed, and get her shots, and I cried my eyes out handing her over to someone else and leaving. I wanted to stay, but it just didn't make sense. I cried all the way home in the car, and even called into work the next two days because she was so out-of-it from the anaesthetic. I wouldn't and couldn't leave her side. I put her in bed with me and laid there with her comforting her, and tried to feed her and give her water. My sweet little girl, - how I love her. So to say the least, tomorrow is a big day for both Munky and I, and I already told them I'd be late coming in. What else is new? .............. getting ready to get a new cellphone, and I think I'm going to try out an Iphone. I dunno', they have to give me some sort of good deal before I even think about it tho, so we'll see. (I'll keep ya'll posted.) Wish me luck tomorrow, and I'll tell ya some great drink recipes to go with those new vodka flavors! Stay with me.

I will win

2011-10-16T19:59:00.005-04:00

This is just some quick thoughts for today,...............Can you believe how that fateful day in April of 2008 changed our lives and us so dramatically? Tonight is the first time in I-don't-know-how-long that I haven't walked around with my cellphone in my hand, bra, sock, shoe, etc. Ever since that day, I have,......in case that ever happened again, and I needed to call our SIL, next-door-neighbor, or lawyer. Isn't that horrible? I actually opened our blinds on the sliding glass doors to look out at the pool all day, and watch the beautiful palms sway in the wind, and the rain in the pool. First time in years. I even took a shower with my cellphone in my purse far away from reach which is a FIRST for me. I guess I'm making some head-way. I know it sounds ridiculous, but it's very true, and a very real fear for me. I sleep with my cellphone EVERY night (under my pillow.) Every night, and that's no lie.(I wish it were.) And my kittehs,......thank god for them, they are my savior. When I get real focused on something, (that has to deal with our 'legal experience',) my kittehs take my mind off of it all. I play, chase, and skwitch them to there hearts desire. I so love them. They help me thru my dark times,-BELIEVE ME. And,~.......in the middle right now of watching the 'Breaking Bad' finale for the second time, and it's as intense as ever. Made fresh mussels, chicken and vegetable pot stickers, and some fresh squash. Great dinner, great entertainment. Cleaned out one of our bedrooms finally this afternoon, and now we got lotsa room for our treadmill and exercise bike. Even have our weights in there, and put up one mirror, with more to come. Even tho I hate everything here, I have to survive here, and this helps. It helps ALOT,- trust me. I have to survive here for however long we end up here before we move. And I have to be somewhat healthy, or it will kill me. Us. I can't have that. I REFUSE to let that happen. REFUSE. NOT an option. Period. So here we are. I refuse to let them win. REFUSE. F&*%$ them. I win. Now and forever. Yay me.

Just a start

2011-10-15T13:12:00.003-04:00

I have a weekend off like a 'normal' person! Yay me! I've been so excited alllll week knowing I have the weekend off. So nice. I've already done cardio, and I'm watching a marathon of Dogs 101 on Animal Planet. I LOVE that show,....good info for when we do finally get a dog. (You know I can't wait.) I'm also planning on cleaning out one of the three bedrooms today, and make it our 'cardio room' so we will feel a little more enthusiastic about doing cardio. I gotta start somewhere to stay on top of exercising, right? Counting down the seconds til we start cooling off down here in South Florida. It's STILL in the 80's and 90's here,.....ICK. Nothing else new really going on in my life here. Same ole', same ole'. What else?..........Oh,....some new products that will be coming out on the liquor market,.....new vodka flavors: marshmellow, peanut butter, and bacon. Also, pomegranate tequila. Yep. Scary isn't it? We already have frosting, cake, gummy bear, and whipped cream flavored vodkas that people are snapping up like crazy for holiday parties and baking. Big right now is pumpkin every which way, in beer, liquors, and simple syrup. I'll never get it, considering that I don't really drink,....so oh well, to each his own, right? So yea, just gettin' ready to do some cleaning, organizing, and throwing out, AND I'm actually lookin' forward to it.

Can't wait for that FOR SALE sign

2011-10-07T20:39:00.004-04:00

I know I'm not posting as much. (Tis the season. Holiday stuff starts Sept.1st in the liquor business,...and we have started,-ICK.) So I've been working like a mad-person, and I woke-up today with all sortsa allergies, so I called in sick at work. I just needed it,-and they said no problem,-so that's that. I'm just tired too. The weather here is just starting to get nice, but still too warm. I'm trying to light a fire under my husband's behind to start any project on this house, but he's fighting a severe sinus infection. So oh well. Another year here in this miserable place won't kill us I guess. I just hate the memories here,....it's just too hard. Next week we made a deal to go to the beach condo, and clean it up and install new carpet and get it rented out. One thing off our minds than. I just want to move outta here. I've been looking online again at places in Canada, and OMG!!! There are some GORGEOUS homes with property on the ocean with homes to die for for sale, and NOT a lot of money either. Nice. I keep showing it all to my husband, we will see when it comes down to it I guess. Gorgeous places,-I'd love it. Do we need to stay here? NO. Do we want to stay here? Maybe, but not here, maybe closer to his sister in NE Boca, or up in Fort Pierce somewhere close to most of my family now. Yeah, I'd rather that, but I dunno' what we will ultimately do when it comes down to it, and neither does my hubbie. It will be whatever happens and falls into place at that time. I know him. Get thru the holidays, and we will be better able to cope. The only thing I'm looking forward to is Thanksgiving, and I can't wait to have everyone together. Yea us. YUM. And the only thing I will miss here is the few friends I've made, (three sets of neighbors have been wonderful,) and I will miss them immensely. I've watched their kids grow-up, we banded together during a bad hurricane,....and we helped each other thru various ups-n-downs. In spite of the neighbors, I still want outta this area. It's going down-hill fast anyways. It's nowhere near what it was like when we first bought this house,....and I just can't seem to shake our bad feeling here. I'll never feel totally comfortable living here no matter how long we stay. That's all really. I guess you can say we are on a month to month basis. I just can't wait til we can put up that FOR SALE sign in the front yard.

However you wanna say it

2011-10-03T12:37:00.003-04:00

I'm still here, and working, working, working. Had a quiet night when I got home from work yesterday. My husband had dinner in the oven, and we watched 'Breaking Bad'. (Unbelievable episode.) This whole year went by so fast, - I can't believe it's already October, and the big holidays are right around the corner. Thanksgiving I'm REALLY looking forward to, my brother and his wife are coming down from GA. and we are having it at my sisters, and everyone will be together for the first time in years,(minus one sister.) I'm VERY VERY excited. (Besides the fact that it's my FAVORITE holiday.) I cannot wait. I've been looking at real estate online up there in Fort Pierce/Vero Beach area and there are some great deals,...and I'm just trying to talk my husband into that,....we could sell this house and the condo on the beach and buy a place on the beach up there, and have the best of all worlds. (He hates change,) so trying to get him to even look at something is like pulling teeth. I will get him to come around when he sees some of the good deals out there right now,-especially on the ocean. (He thinks we'll never be able to get another place on the beach once we sell the one we have.) I'll keep trying because #1-I really want to live closer to my family, and now that they live in one area is the time to do it, #2-we NEED to get out of this house of horrors, and get on with our lives,-living here just makes us depressed and makes me ornery. Being around my family will mellow me out some,...because they make me happy, and last but not least #3- we need to sell sell sell, and JUST GET OUTTA HERE ONCE AND FOR ALL,- END OF STORY, and not look back ever. Take our kittehs, and just get moving,.....adios,.....adio,....a la prochaine,.....salut,.....ciao,....mandi,...however you wanna say it,...it's just GOODBYE.

Make it count

2011-09-30T01:28:00.003-04:00

Well, I'm still here. I'm working like crazy,....and I feel like I'm falling apart, AND getting myself together at the same time. Weird, or what? I'm getting up earlier everyday, and I'm doing cardio,...(hey,-it's a start, right?) I really want to move outta this house, and this area. I don't know how to start that discussion without causing an outright fight with my husband. I'm just really unhappy here. And paranoid,.....and unhappy. And that's all I'm gonna say about it all. I have to start getting him to think he's getting the house ready for us to move. And I wanna puppy/dog. So bad. So,....so,....SO bad. I keep seeing all these horrific things everywhere in the online newspaper about people doing horrifying things to animals, and maybe if I can help just one of those peanuts, I'd be a little happier, and happier with myself even. Just a little. Besides, I'm great with doggies (goggies.) I'll keep trying to convince the big man, and see what he says. Eventually I'll get my way,.....
Haven't shopped in awhile, and I'm itching to get these shoes I saw on Nordstroms(website),....I might just have to get them. It's funny,....my taste is changing so much, I see it flashing before my eyes. I'm actually starting to look at shoes, and hoping they are comfortable, and not just looking good. That's all I used to care about,....I didn't care how bad they hurt, they just had to look good, - period. For real, I didn't care whatsoever. Now~ they better look good AND feel good all in one. Must. Be. Comfortable. Now. (I really am getting old,-aren't I? ) This is all part of it,....and there is no going back. I'm really starting to realize things in my life, like I'm going to have another chance or something,......I dunno',.....sometimes I wonder if it's all cracked up to what it's suppose to be. All the good stuff seems to go by and you don't even realize that it's the good stuff til it's already over. I mean,-am I right? That's really how I feel. What's that saying?- "This isn't a dress rehearsal, so make it count".

Just venting some more

2011-09-24T02:37:00.004-04:00

I'm working like an animal, and I'm counting the seconds to my next day off. Tomorrow night at 9pm, I will be off until Tues. afternoon. Yay me. AND I actually called the cops on someone at work Thursday night because she came in to order some wine, and we didn't have it, and she began to yell, scream and curse at me and the other person I was working with. Ya know what? That's not how you get someone to help you find the wine you're looking for,(you stupid, ignorant, bitch.) She came back in THREE times,(to yell, curse, and scream some more at us,) and I had already called the police, but by the time they got there she was already gone. Is life that bad, that you go off on someone because we ran out of the wine you want, at that very second of the day? Really? REALLY? And the dumbass cops took two seconds to get 6 cop cars at our house when they thought we were dealing drugs from our home(and proceeded to dismantle our home, and life in 5 more minutes flat!,).....but nnnoooooooooo,......at least 5 mins. to get to my work place,....you pigs. Yes, I still have some anger issues, I know, and believe it or not, I am working on them, but when things like this happen, I just get so angry, I want to scream, and hit someone,(preferably whoever it is that's being the ass*&^%.) So yes, this week was not a fun one at work. I hate my life, and job, and the only thing getting me thru is my kittehs, husband, and family. I HATE South Florida to high hell. The people get rude-er by the second, and I'm NOT JOKING. I've seen it all, and let me tell ya, it's NOT pretty, I don't give a rats ass how nice the weather seems to be to some. I came home after that day, and just crawled into bed after taking Munky for a nice hour and a half walk, (nice quiet time, just us two,) and my husband made me some dinner, and I went in and crawled into bed. That is the only way to end a day like that. I didn't argue, or fight with my husband, or even with anyone at all,....just tried to forget it, but before that I think my blood pressure shot thru my head, and stressed me out to no end. I was so clenched and tight, I hadn't even realized it until I sat down in the grass outside with Munky and took a deep breath. For almost 6 hours, I must've been like that,....and right now I'm paying for it, because my shoulder is in pain again, and I know it's from that. (That stupid bitch from Thurs. night.) God help her if I ever run into her outside of work, that's all I gotta say.

Yes, No. Maybe.

2011-09-17T01:06:00.003-04:00

Sometimes all is right in the world, and sometimes you just feel like something needs to be done. At least that's how I feel. My mom is settled already,......all my siblings are doing good, the friends I do have are all good, and our legal fiasco is over,...so life feels almost right, right now. You ever have those 'things' that you just feel like you need to do in your own universe? Whatever it may be? I have some unresolved issues I need to let an ex know about, for me to feel like things are right. I mean I just need to let him know that things that happened were NOT all his fault. This may sound dramatic, but I couldn't 'live with myself' if I didn't let him know that things were just not all his fault. I have NO FEELINGS for him, I don't want any future contact with him, I don't want any thing at all from him, but just to know that HE knows that I realize things weren't all his fault, and he's not a bad person. That is all. Literally. For real. That is it. I LOVE my husband, and could NOT imagine my life without him. Ever. I just couldn't. I know I'm right where I want to be. This is the only thing thats bugging me tho. I just feel like I have to do this, and still somehow, I feel like if I told my husband, he'd be hurt or feeling betrayed in some way. I just know that I don't feel right if I don't do it, so I think I will. I think. I don't know. I keep going back-n-forth. I dunno'. Oh,........whatever.

Times gone by

2011-09-16T00:17:00.002-04:00

Funny how you remember certain things in your life from certain times. I wonder what makes you remember and think of them? I do wonder. I had a dream about a childhood friend who was shot and killed by her boyfriend because she didn't want to be with him any longer. I knew her since kindergarten. I had this dream of her as a little kid, and I was a grown-up, and I picked her up and put her on a counter, and she was in front of these giant floor to ceiling windows, and the sky was black, and ready to storm, and all of a sudden we see funnel clouds starting to form, and she was scared, and I kept consoling her saying that my husband was with us, and would take care of everything, and keep us safe. And the three kittehs were there, and safe, knowing that. I told my husband about the dream, and he wondered what it meant. I know that it meant that I feel safe with him with me, like never I have since my father died. Kinda eye-opening. Brought back so many feelings, and memories, made me very sad. I've had two extremely close childhood friends die sudden deaths, and I did NOT handle it well. Not at all, and thank God my parents were there to help me thru it. I am SOOOO lucky, - I know. My parents actually came to my work, and brought me home before telling me one of my friends died in a horrific car accident the day before. I knew her since 6th grade. (My father came across her obituary when he was reading the morning paper.) She was smart, beautiful, and her family was rich. She was everything I wanted to be, and I hoped at the time, that if I was friends with her long enough, I would be just like her. I idolized her. She even actually dated some famous people, (I won't say who, but I have firsthand pictures that I took,) of who she dated while she was in high school. Yeah, I think back now, and it was a scary thought. How could her parents let her date someone older than her like that? So much more experienced? I could never let my high school child date someone that much more experienced, and older,....that's like throwing her to the wolves. I just couldn't NO MATTER WHAT. I COULD NOT-EVER. EVER!!!! Whatever I guess. Who am I to judge,...but it really makes me wonder. AND,....it makes me miss and wonder what might've been. I miss them so much. They both gave me so many great, fun, childhood memories, that I could never forget. Never. They will forever be in my heart. Funny how dreams bring back so many memories so vividly.

The Town

2011-09-12T14:33:00.004-04:00

I love when I have my days off. I feel so comfy and happy. I talked with my mom and sister, and everything is going smooth with my mom. She is totally moved in, but just needs to unpack stuff. My niece has already stayed with her overnight, and loves it there. She says it's very comfortable and home-y. (Yay.) I'm glad, my mom sounds relieved. So it's already a week I've been home, and I worked seven days straight, and that's NOT FUN. (This week will be a piece of cake.) My SIL came over last night and we had a nice dinner, and watched 'Breaking Bad', and she went home early, and started telling her about this movie I really want her to see. 'The Town' with Ben Affleck, and Jeremy Renner. GREAT movie. I feel like how they do in the movie, it's us,(my husband and I),against them,(the cops.) It's extremely rough,(or at least my husband and I think so,) the language is atrocious, and violence is there, but it's a great movie regardless. Ben Affleck wrote and directed I think. Makes you see things from different perspectives, and how other people's lives are so different than your own. Made me think a lot. I grew-up very middle-class, loving parents that were married my entire life, and two older brothers, two older sisters who never wanted for anything, but we weren't handed things on a silver platter either. We all worked, in fact I'm the only stupid one in my family who didn't go to college. (I'm still kicking myself for that.) I could NEVER imagine growing-up with one parent, or a parent in prison, etc. That seems so unrealistic a life to me. I honestly can't imagine it, and how different I would be. We all are pretty successful, married, have families, etc. We all call each other, and when things get rough in someone's life, we have always rallied around each other, and helped one another. So yeah, this movie really knocked me for a loop, and I love this movie like I haven't loved a movie since 'Gladiator'. Watch it, you'll be surprised.

I'm just looking out from inside

2011-09-10T01:41:00.001-04:00

I've been working like an animal all week. No days off til Monday,-ICK. Don't ya just feel like it never ends? I do. Sometimes I really hate work, and other times it's a welcome relief from myself. The weather here has been stormy and rainy for almost two weeks now, and every time I get a day off, it's sunny. I'm the exact opposite,....I LIKE the rainy weather,....gives me an excuse to lay in bed with Munky, and not get up all day. I LLLLOOOOVVVEEEE stormy days.(As long as I don't have to go anywhere.) So~ I finally went to the psychiatrist, and wasn't impressed. I'm going back to the other one I went to, besides,....they do pet therapy there, and you know I LOVE that. Have a big dog sit with me while I talk,(with me, on me,~doesn't matter,~ it calms me, and makes me feel more at ease, no matter what I have to face in my sessions.) The next thing I have to do is go to an endocrinologist the end of the month, and I'm still going to that chiropractor/orthopedic surgeon for my shoulder,....it still bothers me, but I'm not in pain like I was. (Somehow I dislocated my shoulder without knowing,) and he had to put it back in place,....with NO PAIN KILLER, right there in the office,...lemme' tell ya, that was no picnic. Even my husband wasn't thrilled with doing that, and he has a very HIGH threshold for pain. I did it, it's done, and I'm doing my exercises the dr. told me to do, to keep my shoulder and neck pain-free,....so far so good. Other than that, nothing else new or exciting. My mom is getting settled in her new place, and she feels very comfortable and at home,...(that counts for a lot.) My brother is staying with her for a few nights a week, and my niece goes over there after classes to do her homework, and keep her company, and she has Friday dinner at my sister's house with everyone there. I'd so love to move up there. I'm really keeping my fingers crossed that I can talk my husband into moving up there,....and even just renting a place for a little while,......every week have dinner with my family,.....pure heaven to me. I miss them all so much. We all have so much fun together. I'm hoping I can talk my SIL and hubby to go up there for Thanksgiving and Christmas. (LOVE Thanksgiving,-it's my favorite holiday,-hate Christmas,...too much pressure what with all the gift-giving-crap, etc.) but I REALLY wanna be there for my mom. I hope we can do it. So, how exciting am I? Really? Really? I AM getting old, aren't I? Geesh.

It's almost over

2011-09-04T13:02:00.005-04:00

Sometimes things feel like they are happening to someone else. Sometimes you change, and you know it, or don't know it,....but all this happening to my step-dad, and my mom, has changed me and I know it. For the better tho. I am starting to realize things, and come out of my depression a little bit. Life is to live,.....and I'm trying. If I could only get my husband to realize the same thing now. We have to get out of this house. We have to. And no big changes will happen as long as we are living here. We have to move on,....it's killing us the longer we stay here. It's draining the very life out of us. I see that now. Every time I open that damn front door, I picture the SWAT team on the other side. I re-live them tearing this house apart as we sat here watching and being unable to do anything about it. I picture my poor scared Sugar running from room to room not knowing what to do,...(that alone makes me cry thinking about it, and hate those damn pigs for not letting me calm him, or let him outside. He was so scared. I HATE them forever for that.) I just know every day I remember and re-hash things in my head thinking it will change something. I know better but I keep doing it. Next week, going to the dr. will help me a lot again. I have to start again somewhere. And I've been doing cardio a half hour a day since I've gotten home from my sister's. I'm trying so hard to pull myself up and out of this depression, I'm not sure I would ever see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am now,.....I think. I hope it stays with me,.....and I'm still waiting on that confirmation letter, and that will totally end all the bad on that part,.....right along with today's funeral that's already over. It's all almost over.

Saying goodbye

2011-09-03T13:21:00.006-04:00

Well tomorrow is the funeral, and I'm having a hard time with it. Going back there just reminds me that things are now forever different, and most likely we won't be going down there anymore,...or at least for a very long time. I'll never feel like a little kid again, like I did when I would go down there and spend a few days,......I really did feel like I was a kid again,...very safe, cocooned,...and childlike. Very, very hard. So one part of our life is over, and another chapter begins,(as they say.) Just hard dealing with it. I have a psychiatrist appt. next week. I never got re-evaluated like I was supposed to, and now is a good time as ever. Watching 'Zombieland' again right now, and getting ready to make some eggs, bacon, and pancakes for us for breakfast. I love breakfast food,...anytime of day, morning, noon, or night, 24/7. I never get sick of it. When I was a kid my father would always make me scrambled eggs, and ever since than, breakfast food has always been my favorite. SOOOO ~ going to my SIL for dinner tonight,...I'm looking forward to it. Monday I go back to work, and I'm already dreading it. I keep remembering back to when I didn't work, and how great it was, but in this day and age, it's the right thing to do, no matter what kinda money we have saved. Any little bit is better than nothing coming in, and I will be happy one day and look back, and actually appreciate that I worked. Well,~ here are the pictures of the home we left in Key Largo. Still mourning the loss.

Things are looking up

2011-08-31T13:40:00.003-04:00

Going through other blogs and reading them. I'm always interested in other people's way of thinking and life. But what I really wanna know is how do they get so many 'followers'? Are their lives and postings so much more interesting than mine? Am I that boring? Or bad? Just wondering. Yesterday did nothing much, but I DID DO CARDIO. It's a start. Tried to take Munky for a walk afterwards but it kept raining, AND,....I kept seeing roaches,....and that scares me more than just about anything,......I'm phobic about them. I HATE those damn, disgusting, gross things. Phobic I tell ya. (The only thing I don't feel bad about killing. Happily.) Anyways~today I'm suppose to make some phone calls, and really that's all thats on my agenda,...Munky is napping in the tent I made on our bed, and my hubby is thinking of going in with her. :) Read the paper today, and saw that someone we used to be neighbors with was in an article; and not for a good reason. He stole a boat, and when he was pulled over for it, he claimed it was his,(which it wasn't,) and then he said he was the actor Sam Elliot, and he was going to Key West to do a part in a film there. REALLY? If you saw this man, you'd die laughing. Does he really think he looks anything like S.Elliot? And why steal ANYTHING? Just sad,...I guess tough times really are making people batty. I feel bad for him,....but it's still no excuse. Oh~ who knows what's going on in his life that made him do something so strange,....who really knows. I miss my mom and sister, and all the animals there. My sister called me twice yesterday saying how all the animals were moping around looking for me. I miss them too. Joey,-their big moon-faced white gray spotted kitteh with big green eyes,....Silver,- their little gray, long-haired,green eyed, sweet, delicate kitteh, Nitro,- all black, sleek, very athletic beautiful girl, Chippy, the little rat-terrier,(he's beautiful and very sweet little guy,) Lacey-, part Siamese, part Bengal, gorgeous blue eyes, she looks cross-eyed, but she is gorgeous, and the sweetest little personality, she is a little lover,....and then there is Ginger, Sassy, and Teddy, the inside/outside doggies. And they have two hens, and a rooster named Pecky. It's pure heaven to me, there is always someone wanting/loving attention, and that keeps me calm, happy, and in a good mood. That much I realize. I came home with a new outlook somewhat. I guess I just realize how good things can be if I want them to. Like I keep telling myself,.....no one can change me, but me. I have to make those changes, and make it work, if I want to get back to how things used to be somehow. Our legalities are finally over,(altho I'm still waiting for that last confirmation letter stating that,) and we can finally move on to the next chapter of our lives, whatever that may be. (And I wish it was moving north to be closer to my family.) I have to remember; one step at a time.

I thought I would I miss it, but I don't

2011-08-29T09:46:00.004-04:00

It's Monday morning and a lot has been done concerning my mom. She will be moved in and settled in less than two more weeks. So now we just sit and wait at my sister's,- which is extremely comfortable, and a lot of fun. (Thank god.) I go home today, and tomorrow or Weds. I have a dr.'s appt. for my shoulder. And I'm taking the last few days off before work next Monday. Sunday is the funeral, and my husband and I are both going with my mom for that. The final closure she needs and then it will really hit her, and I told my sister this, so I know they will be there to help my mom with that. I would LOVE to move up here and be close to my mom, sister, and brother. That would be pure heaven to me. I'll have to work on my husband with that. Soooo~ I miss my little Munky and Sugar, and my hubby alot. We sat on the phone last night and talked after watching 'Breaking Bad'. He recorded it so we will watch it again tonight together and discuss what we think is going on. I feel like I'm a million miles from home here, and it's not that bad being away. (Not from husband and kittehs, just that area, and house.) I don't miss it at all, and I genuinely thought I would. (Why I don't know.) All the animals here at my sister's is like heaven to me,...she has one rooster and two hens, four dogs, and five cats, and they have a home to die for,...it's on an acre and a half over looking the water, and their house is up on stilts, and it's gorgeous,...hard to explain, but it's very big, and comfy, and home-y. All the animals are happy and well kept,(they told me so.) So yes, it's wonderful staying here. That's all the news on the home front here. What an exciting life I lead.

Shopping and crying alot

2011-08-26T22:27:00.003-04:00

Got a lot of things done today. My mom is now a renter at a very nice condo that we found and she happens to have a friend who lives there that was the lady who actually introduced my mom and dad, and got them to go out together. Who knew? Small world,- isn't it? She's still getting many, many phone calls every day from people sending their condolences. She cries a lot. I know that's to be expected, but it rips my heart out every single phone call I hear. (My sister keeps telling me that it's all part of the closure she needs. I don't know. I guess so. I cry too, when I hear her crying tho.) Sooooo~ my niece and I took my mom to the mall to get her a dress for my other niece's wedding this September up in GA.,(which I've finally decided I'm definitely NOT going to.) She tried on a bunch, and found one, but it didn't fit quite right, so we will keep looking. Went and got pizza, and my brother S. came over, and we all had dinner together. It was very nice,....I miss times like that. I LOVE times like that. I want to try to get my husband to move up here. It would be so great if we could. It would be the closest I'd ever get to having my whole family living close by. I would absolutely LOVE it. I love that feeling around the holidays, having everyone together, and knowing they are close by. I love that so much. The only time it was like that was when my father was alive. So, like I said, I am going to try to get my hubby to at least think about moving up here. We'll have to see, I guess. We stopped by CVS, and I found this perfume by Shakira, and I SOOOO LOVED it, so I bought it. I needed something to make me feel better. Anything to cheer me up. You know me,....shopping helps for a little while,....just a little. And going shopping tomorrow with my niece at all the thrift/consignment stores here. They are in abundance up here. I love it. I'll keep ya posted, and show you any loot that comes into my possession!

Short news

2011-08-24T23:25:00.003-04:00

Still in that numb mode. Got some things accomplished tho for my mom. She has her good moments and bad. She cries a lot when people call to send their condolences. Very hard on her. She's had SO MANY calls, her cell never stops ringing. My sister and I are trying to get so much settled and done up here while we can. We have already found so many condos/homes for her to decide on. We have a realtor meeting with us tomorrow to actually look at a few places. So we will see. I think she is going thru the motions, but won't really grieve until she is settled and alone. That's when it will sink in. I mean my sister and her husband and my niece, plus one of my brothers all will live within 15 to 40 minutes from her. She will have family around, trust me. And on the good side,.....today was officially my last day of probation. 18 months! Good god, it's finally over. That's the good news, and I'm glad there is some for once. I miss my husband, and kittehs. I miss them so much, but I know I need to be here for my mom, and that's all that matters right now.

Just numb

2011-08-23T01:50:00.003-04:00

I'm at my sister's house in Fort Pierce,(FL) and we got here about 10:30pm tonight, and I'm just now settling in. I already miss home, Munky, and my husband. I'm not good away from home. And to make matters worse,.....I woke up this morning to an email on my cell from my mom saying that my stepdad passed away this morning at 2am. Unbelievable. I cried at the drop of a hat all damn day. I cried leaving Munky,....I cried leaving the house my mom shared with him for 15 yrs. , I cried when I drove away from my husband, as he drove home to our house. I've been a blubbering idiot all damn day. I don't have much else to say. I will post some pictures of the home we left in Key Largo, so many good memories. The last time I felt like a little kid anywhere since my dad died was there in Key Largo. Things change,.....but I'm NOT GOOD with change. Not at all. I'll write more tomorrow, when I'm not so muddled and numb. I'll miss you always Red. So will my mom.

I think too much

2011-08-17T22:31:00.004-04:00

So today my husband and I went to a doctor about our shoulders, and mine was somewhat dislocated, and the muscles were turning it in (forward) and pulling on neck muscles, and cutting off my shoulder muscles and nerves causing pain and numbness, and joint pain, etc. I got some electro-therapy, and adjustments and I have to go back two more times and I should be good as new. Now my husband is a different story. He's going to have to have alot more therapy. ALOT. His pain is more severe, and serious. But the doc said there is some hope,...so a shoulder replacement is NOT the only option. (Thank goodness.) Good to hear and hope. So today was a productive day at least. I'm making a doctor appt. for an endocrinologist next. I hope I can find out anything more wrong with me. And I know I HAVE to get back to doing some sort of exercise. Anything at all. And I will in time. My probation will be officially over by August 24th, and that's one less thing for me to worry about. Alot less to worry about. What else, what else? The next few days I will be working 12 hour days until Sunday, and then Monday I will go to my mom's. And like I said I'm looking forward to getting to my sister's and getting her settled and looking for places. Take her mind off of 'things'. Stepdad not doing well at all. He barely recognizes my mom everyday when she visits him now. It's heartbreaking. It really is. Why does there have to be so much pain in life? I don't understand it. I want to take it all away from my mom,.....she's been thru so much in her life. (Not that anyone deserves it,....).......well I could think of a few who deserve it. I can think of ALOT who do,......unfortunately.

More ranting

2011-08-16T13:17:00.004-04:00

I am OFF from work the next two days, and I couldn't be happier. Next week I will be leaving for my mom's and then bringing her up to my sister's house. I know it will be very hard for my mom leaving. I don't look forward to that part, but the part where we go and stay at my sister's,...THAT I'm looking forward to. I know it still won't be the best situation, but it will be somewhat fun, and the most important part will be that my mom won't be alone. She will have family around to lean on, and keep her busy. Tomorrow my husband and I go to a new doctor about our shoulder(s). I'm actually looking forward to finding out what the heck could be wrong with my shoulder,....I need some sorta relief, something, anything. Other than that, nothing else really new and exciting. The weather here has been dark and stormy everyday for about two weeks. I love it. Nothing I love more than being home when it rains, and getting under the covers with the kittehs, and watching TV or playing with them to take their mind off of being scared of the noise. (Altho Munky isn't scared of thunder, but Sugar definitely is. My lil babies.) Soooo,.......keeping up with the news, and all things techie. I think I've finally decided to get a Samsung Galaxy 10.1 tablet instead of an Ipad2. I've read and talked with so many 'computer' people, and all have said that the S.G. is the better thing to get for your money right now. The only thing I'm not thrilled with is that it doesn't support Skype, and I definitely want that for my mom and I. I'll have to look into it, and figure something out. I might even get a S.G. cellphone. I'm thinking tho still. I have to wait before I do this til my contract runs out with AT&T first. THEN, I'll be on it in a flash. Anywho,.......I'm still reeling from Sunday night's 'Breaking Bad',...and the news that the next season will be it's last. NOT HAPPY. I guess they want to go out on a high note being that ratings are the highest it's ever been, and viewers are glued to the show, and they are making critics very happy, so yeah, I guess going out a winner in all ways has alot to be said for it. I guess I'm greedy and I want it to go on for more time, that's all. I really connect with Jesse Pinkman on the show. I know that guy, my husband and I have been friends with people like him, and I wanna protect him/them and tell them it will all be okay,....but I'm not so sure,(just like in the show.) I'm very protective of people I'm friends with and like,...and don't get me started with the kittehs,....they are my children, and I would do ANYTHING to protect my lil babies. My husband calls me mama bear sometimes because of how I am. I read the paper and the horrible things that people do to kids and animals, and I'm repulsed. I can't even imagine those things, I would end up in prison if I caught someone doing something to ANY animal/kid like I read about. I would. I've already almost punched an irate, elderly man for almost running over a mother duck and her babies one day on my way to work. If I hadn't pulled my car over into his opposite lane, and blocked him(because I saw that he looked like he wasn't going to stop,) he would have ran them over. He got out of his car yelling at me, and I got out and grabbed him by the collar and told him to get the f away from me and the ducks, and he could go around the block the other way, cause I wasn't moving my car. He cussed and yelled at me some more,and said 'it's ONLY ducks, they are everywhere', and finally backed up and went another way to wherever the piss he was going. I was so close to punching him in the face, and I never thought I could be like that. I shouldn't have even put my hands on him truthfully, and I know that, but the thought of what he would've done is disgusting and inexcusable, and I probably would've beaten him severely,....man or no man, my adrenaline was too much and I just didn't care about anything but keeping those ducks safe. Yeah,....I was an hour late for work, and when I got there I broke down and cried. Called my husband, he calmed me down,...but still. I was so upset of what could've been, it makes me sick. People make me sick, and what they do. I have to go now and calm myself,...I get too fired up over this stuff. I need to just be alone with the kittehs to make it all go away, and make it all right again. Sorry to go off like that.

WHY do we have to work?

2011-08-13T13:22:00.003-04:00

Saturday,*sigh*....and I have two more days of work, and I'm off for two days. Gawd. It feels like eternity. My laptop is acting up, and that makes me nervous. You never know when something will go wrong with computers,...one wrong move, and kapooie, your done. So,- went shopping yesterday,...I went to Macys and got some dresses just in case I go to my niece's wedding after all. I bought like six dresses, and I will try them all on, and return the one's that I don't like/don't fit. I had to be at work, so I had no time to try things on really. (Hey, I shop whenever possible.) Still saving for an Ipad. Can't wait to get my mitts on one. Looked at them at Sam's Club, and that just made me want one more. Altho,~ I've talked to a few people who are 'into' computers, and they all told me to get a Samsung Galaxy 10.1 tablet, it has alot more features and you can add space to it if needed unlike the Ipad. I did some research and came up with two cons of a Galaxy; it doesn't support Skype, and it doesn't have a USB connector thingy, altho you can buy an adaptor for it. So there,...I will see when I have that money together what I end up getting. Sooooo~ that's all the fun stuff here. I'm off to work in a few hours,-yipee. (Why can't we all not have to work? Why?)

My little opinions

2011-08-11T11:57:00.006-04:00

I'm going to do something different and tell you some of my favorite things, since we all were talking about it where I work. It's fun to me to hear the difference in what makes people happy,(and what doesn't. Maybe I should have been a sociologist like my sister-in-law.) So here goes:

Love,.....
napping and sleeping,
rainy days,
Jamey Johnson and country music,
cowboy hats and boots,
red hair,
coffee any way possible,hot,cold, frozen,
high heels,
eBay, and any shopping,
goatees and glasses on men,
gray hair and blue eyes,
ANYTHING Canada/Canadian,
Krispy Kreme doughnuts,
chocolate bacon bars,(from WholeFoods)
Thanksgiving,
pedicures,
staying in hotel/motels,
family reunions,
Barbara Streisand anything,
ALL animals,(goes without saying really,...)
kitteh purrs,
Cadillacs,
and last but not least,
french language books, cds, anything!

Things I'm NOT FOND OF:

crude/foul language,(no cussing)
meat cooked well done,
mushrooms,(even the smell when they cook,)
mayo,sour cream, cream cheese, any cheese,
yogurt, and creamed anything,
unsupervised kids,
patchouli,
stitches, staples, and needles,
roaches, palmetto bugs,(I'm phobic about them,)
loud car radios,
cops,judges,lawyers, ins.companies,
doctors, surgeons,banks, and hospitals.
Oh, and Jersey Shore anything,-especially that Snooki thing.

That covers some of the stuff,...I'd rather think of the stuff I love,...I start thinking of the stuff I DON'T like and I go off on tangents. I get all fired-up and my husband has to calm me down. So yea,...this is just my opinions,.....

Almost there,....

2011-08-09T23:47:00.002-04:00

It's Tuesday nite, and it's been a long, but mostly fun day thanks to my husband. Started the day with going to probation,....it's my second to last time going,(THANK YOU GOD.) Came home and took a llloooonnnggg nap with Munky. Got up and watched some news on TV,....feel asleep again while my husband napped with Munky. :) We both finally got up and went and walked around Sam's Club, and looked at everything; from Ipads, to jewelry, to cookbooks. It was nice, fun and relaxing. We genuinely had fun being silly, and looking at everything. We went and ate some Nathans hotdogs, and then got up and walked around some more. Ended up buying some king-size,Tempurpedic pillows, and some steak, and left. It's fun when we do stuff like that to me. We hardly ever do anything anymore, but when we do, we have lotsa fun, and laugh and giggle like little kids. Came home, and watched Zombieland for the gazillionth time. We love that movie. Munky and Stripe are outside fed and happy meowing at each other and being cute together. I really keep telling my husband that we should get another kitteh so Munky can have a playmate. She always tries to play with Sugar, and alotta times he just wants to eat and relax, but occasionally he will play with her, and they have a ton of fun. It's so adorable when they play. They play tag, and run from room to room, it's very entertaining to watch, and I do, - believe me. So yeah, it would be fun to have another kitteh for her to hang with and befriend. We'll see I guess. Getting ready for another week of work, and then I'm going down to Key Largo to pick-up my mom, and take her to my sister's house in Fort Pierce, and we will both stay there, and we will look for houses for her to buy or rent up there. I just want her to be comfortable and happy, and settled. I know she's not very happy, but she will be relieved when she gets settled. I'm kinda looking forward to seeing and staying at my sister's house with my mom. I know it's not the ideal situation, but I plan on making it as fun as possible for everyone, regardless. Why be depressing? We all already are, why make it worse,-right?

Little boring life

2011-08-08T15:18:00.005-04:00

Okay,....so I'm off the next two days, and came home from work last night and had my sis-in-law here with my husband, and we watched 'Breaking Bad'. O. M. G. I was crying my eyes out by the end, and I think this season is already almost over. I think there are two more shows left,...which fills me with dread. We than resumed watching the Red Sox beat the Yankees, which made me ecstatic. (Hate the Yankees, right up there with the Detroit Red Wings, - except for Stevie Y.) So, a good nite was had. Munky was busy playing and running around when I got home. She was in and out all night. So cute. She loves to fall asleep in the small screened-in enclosure at our front door. So cute, she just sits there staring out into the grass, and watching whatever comes by,...frogs, lizards, bugs, other kittehs, occasional raccoon. I check on her endlessly, and when she wants in she scratches the door, and I go running to let her in no matter what I'm doing. My little peanut,...we will be taking our walk today after the sun goes down it's so hot. She likes the warm weather, but not this warm. She's napping on our bed right now. (This is here down time.) Sooooo~ my husband just left to get another MRI on his shoulder,.....and we are going to make an appt. with another dr. for both of us next week before I go to my sister's with my mom to get her set-up up there. I have no idea how she will handle it when she really does leave that house. I know it will be very emotional for her, that's why I'm glad I will be with her for support. It will not be fun. I will be with her for the first week, or two, and after that, I will play it by ear. See how she is, what kinda state of mind she's in. I keep remembering when I left the place I lived in when I was split up with my husband, and even tho we were getting back together, it was still very hard and emotional giving-up that place. Alot of things took place there, big changes happened for me, and it held alot of emotional triumphs for me,....very hard to move out, and leave. It was an extremely beautiful, comfortable, home-y kinda place. Everyone loved it that had been there, (my mom, sister, brothers, friends, etc.) Very comfortable, and in a very upscale, quiet, beachfront neighborhood. I really did love it,....for the exception that the condo association there was a true nightmare, being that there was less than 20 units there, they were always in everyone's business.Too much pettiness and jealousy among people too. (So many pros and cons of living in condos, versus a home.) At the time, it was exactly what I wanted and needed. Other than that,...no other plans for anything on my days off. Next week tho I am going to try to get my husband to take me to the Palm Beach Zoo. They had two or three new tiger cubs born, and I'm dieing to see them. Something fun to do, among the everyday other stuff, ya know? He's dieing to go horseback riding, so I will make plans for that too in the very near future. So I'm off to do some cleaning and run some errands. I'll keep ya posted with my very boring little pathetic life. Ho-hum.

Ball O fun

2011-08-06T12:34:00.006-04:00

Working today from 4-11pm, and ALLLLLLLL day tomorrow. ICK. Don't ya ever wonder if it's worth it? Don't ya feel like you're on a hamster wheel going nowhere? *sigh* Oh well. Another week, and I'm off to help my mom,....in a way I'm looking forward to seeing her, but not like this. And I'm hoping I get to a chiropractor before I go up to my sisters. It seems the longer you spend time with someone, you become mirror images, and therefore, when they hurt, you hurt, and for some reason, I have had the worst shoulder pain you can imagine. Now my husband has no cartilage in his right shoulder, and we have been trying to figure out ways to lessen his pain, and doctors to go to. This has been going on for years,...yes, he's gotten an MRI, and yes, it's legitimately bone on bone, but we both agree that he shouldn't get a replacement surgery. Meanwhile with all this going on, I now have my right shoulder in pain, and can't figure out why. I don't sleep on it,......I just dunno'. I'm just in alotta pain, and it's making me cranky and always in a bad mood. (I can't imagine how my husband does it, always in pain, and dealing with it.) So, that's another thing to add to our list of things that have to get done. This Tuesday I have to go to probation, and it's the second to the last time I will have to go, and I will be done with it. Done. I can't wait. I'm telling ya,.....I won't know how to be,.....sounds crazy I know, but true. I can't think about it til it's done. Soooo,....that's all the fun in my life right now. Just a ball 'o fun we are here. (whoo. hoo. *sarcasm*)

Nous sommes signifies pour etres

2011-07-31T02:17:00.003-04:00

Here I am on my usual Saturday night after work, I have the next two days off, and I'm happy and carefree as a clam. I love when I have two days off in a row. Love, love, love. And that's about all I'm loving these days. I've decided to take a 'leave of absence' from work starting on Aug.22nd. I'm going to help my mom move up to Jupiter, and look for a house to buy. We'll stay at my sister's house together until she finds something. I just have such a hard time facing the fact that my poor mother is going thru all this, and there is nothing I can do, AGAIN, to make her feel better. Nothing. This helpless feeling eats you alive. It really does that to me. I talked with my mom just yesterday when she got back from seeing her boyfriend at the hospital, and she told me they told her he had a stroke in the night sometime,....so on top of all the other things he has wrong with him, that happens. Horrible, horrible way for anyone to end up. It's breaking my mother's heart, and that breaks my heart. I know I need to be there for her, to help get her settled, and comfortable. My oldest brother, and his wife are coming down next week(from GA.) to help her pack, and they are going to get as much stuff as they can up to my sister's house,....but until then,....she's going to stay in that big house alone until I get there. Sooooo,....yeah,...that's my plan. It'll be hard to be away from Munky and the kittehs,and of course!, my husband, but I gotta do what I gotta do. My mom has always been there for me, every single time in my life,....and I can't imagine not helping her when she needs me most. I can't. People who don't have good relationships w/ there parents and family just kills me,...I would do anything in the world for any of my siblings and my mom. ANYTHING. I'll never understand anything other than that. Never. What I would give to have my father back, what I'd give to have my in-laws back,....or my husbands sister who passed away right before I met him. People who take their family for granted will never understand them not being in this world anymore. It's very draining,....you never stop missing them, or wanting to talk to them, or just holding their hand, and knowing they are there for you,.....never,....sometimes it drains every ounce of everything outta me, and I know it does the same with my husband. He has had virtually every close friend he has ever had pass away, starting with when I met him. Too many for anyone to go thru at any age. One of them is what split us up at the time,....we both just couldn't handle the fact that our friend committed suicide one night after he left our place, and we usually turn off our phone when we go to bed, and we were the last 8 calls he made, and that was it. They found him at his grandparents house,overdosed. When we got up the next morning, his girlfriend,(who we all four hungout together,) called us at 7am, and told us what had happened and the next thing was the police knocking on our door to interview us about the night before. It stunned us like nothing ever had. We both just stayed in our own little world blaming ourselves, and letting it eat us alive. Yep. My husband drank, and drank like I'd never seen before in our 13 yrs. together. And I back-peddled into my own depression,...and it escalated to us splitting up. My husband went to New York to see his ex-wife, and I bought my own place and moved out into an unknown world to me. It was a very strange, life-changing thing for us both. I try to honestly NEVER take my husband for granted since then. I know how lucky I am for us to have gotten back together, and realize we were 'meant to be'. He's not one for cliche' things like that, but he agrees,....we are 'meant to be'.

No silver linings

2011-07-28T00:14:00.002-04:00

Ok, so I've been working like an animal, and haven't been shopping anywhere at all. I'm still depressed, overweight, and energy-less. Nothing can change it but me, and I don't know where or how to get that energy. My mom is going thru a horrible time,....her spouse of almost 15 yrs. is in a nursing home and most likely won't be coming home again. She is having a very hard time dealing with this even tho she went thru it with my father. I'm really trying to be there for her as much as I can being over an hour away,...but I'm actually thinking of taking a leave of absence from wk. to help her some more. It's killing me that she's far away, and not near any family for her to lean on when she needs it most. I still have to talk to my husband about it, but I'm pretty sure he will be okay with it. My mom has decided to move near my older sister, but will be staying with her until she finds a place she likes. Thank god my mom is more than good financially, in this day and age, it's a miracle anyone is really. It'll be much easier for all our family to see everyone with three out of five kids, and our mom living all in one area tho. (That's the bright side I keep telling her.) Hey,- I'm trying to show her the silver lining,(too bad I can't take my own advice.) So from Key Largo, to Jupiter she will move next month. I wish my husband and I were moving there too, to be honest. Sooooo,.....my older brother and his wife will be coming down from GA. and my other brother will help too, so we will have the whole gang almost. So,...yeah, it's still hard, I will miss him alot,....it's like losing another father again almost. The next month or two will be very hard for all involved. It'll make me forget my crappy self, and focus on my wonderful mommy. Maybe that's what I need. And I'm still upset about not being able to go to my nieces wedding in Sept. in GA. Legally I can't go, so that's that. So it's really no decision to be made there, (which I HATE.) September will be my last month on probation. I'm DONE after that. This whole legal clusterf*c% will be over and done with,....completely out of our lives.(Sorry 'bout the language.) I won't know how to act tho. Wow. I mean really, it'll be 4 years of hell done with. I don't remember what normal life is like. And can you imagine when we move even? It will be totally, totally normal, and like nothing ever happened. It's so hard to imagine,....it's like a dream, a road that's far away, and you keep getting closer and closer, but you think you will never really make it,....that's how I feel about this whole thing being over. I can talk all I want about it, but it won't make a difference until it really happens. It won't. And even then, we've been held down for so long now, you don't know how to come back up and adjust even when it is over. Yeah,-that's how my husband feels right now. Just can't adjust. I guess that's how my mom feels. No silver linings there. Not for any of us I guess.

Unlucky I guess

2011-07-23T12:37:00.004-04:00

Now this is why I don't want to live in South FL. I will put this in a nutshell as simple as possible. Last night someone went to buy some soda and beer at a corner gas station/quick mart kinda store, and got some sorta BIG MACHINE GUN put in their face. Come to find out, they walked smack into the middle of a FED/DEA sting where this store/gas station was actually selling coke and weed to customers! Yes, you heard me right. How's that for being an entrepreneur?! It's always something,....I just have a hard time thinking how that person(s) got to that choice, and in their mind thought that it was a good idea. I mean, REALLY? Really? I shouldn't be shocked, or surprised, but I am. Things like this continually surprise me and they shouldn't at all. My husband always asks me why I'm so shocked? Nothing surprises him, or fazes him, like it does me. He's seen and heard it all, believe me. I guess that's why we balance out. I get a little panicky in emergencies, and he stays calm, cool, and collected. I've seen him not blink in eye in the worst of situations, and I wish I was like that, but I'm just not no matter how hard I try. The last bad hurricane we had here, we stayed up all night, fell asleep about 7am, and it hit, I woke up all panicky and scared, ran to all the windows looking outside, and woke up my husband, and he started calmly checking the house, and well I fell asleep again, I guess, knowing now that he was up and checking things that we would be safe, and boy, I slept good then. (We still laugh about it.) I always tell him he's my knight in shining armor, my hero, always has been, always will be. So it was a strange night last night hearing that story,......goes to show(myself) that we aren't the only ones with horrible luck. It's like that saying that I always try to remind myself that we ARE lucky in ALOT of ways: your unlucky because you have no shoes, until you see someone with no feet. You get it, and I'm trying to still.

I'm just blah

2011-07-21T13:27:00.004-04:00

Another day, another thunderstorm. Yep. Don't have to go into work til almost 5pm today, so I'm home watching movies with my hubby, and Munky sleeping in bed already. (My lil cutie. How I love her.) I have Sunday and Monday off next week, and I plan on doing a few things,..."plan" is the operative word there. I'd like to get some stuff on eBay again, and do some organizing around the house, and clip Munky's nails, and maybe go somewhere alone, so I know I can. That list is enough to last me for the next two months the way I am. THAT'S how hard things are for me to do. Not to mention the important stuff, like paying the few bills we do have, and grocery shopping, making dinner, etc. Everything is hard right now. I NEED to get back to lifting weights again. It's been long enough now where I look like I never stepped in a gym in my life. 27 yrs. of weight-lifting, and 3yrs. off, and look what I've turned into. A blob. Every now and then I get a comment from someone at work about how my legs are muscular,(still?,) etc., but it's not enough for me. I have to get back in there, I HAVE to. Not just for the physical part, but for my emotional well-being too. That's really true too. I know firsthand. Never have I been this depressed in my life, with feeling like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Never. I've been talking to my sister about it. She's battled severe depression for years, and knows about phobias, we have had very similar things, so it's easy to talk to her about it,(thank god.) I made an appt. with the psychiatrist for next week. Barring all things at work going smoothly and I don't get called in unexpectedly, I will be going. It will help. (Wow, - it's so dark here right now it looks like night-time, and the thunder is making the ground/ house shake. Jeez. Munky is happy in bed,-we usually make a tent for her,-but she seems okay, so I'll leave her.) Anywho~ those are my plans this week. I'll keep ya up to date to see how much I actually get done! Meh.

Laying low kinda day

2011-07-18T14:12:00.003-04:00

Off from work today, and it's dark and rainy. (My FAVORITE kinda day,...I love it.) Laying low,...not feeling good,....I've had a cold that my husband gave me along with that bracelet for my birthday, and haven't felt good since. Went to my mom's in Key Largo, and SO HAPPY to see her. Had fun seeing her, and we went out to our favorite place to eat lunch on the water. Very peaceful, but I'm still glad I never moved down there when my parents did. I can't take it down there. Not to live at least. To think people vacation and would LOVE to live there. Me,....NO WAY. I just like being near my mom tho,....I miss her so much. Why can't we live closer? I wish we had a compound, and all families lived close to each other. Wishful thinking. (And I know everyone doesn't feel that way about their family.)SO~ I'm going to start putting stuff up on eBay again,....I have to get rid of all these clothes, shoes, and handbags I've accumulated. Too much stuff, or at least that's how I feel right this second. Last night my sister-in-law came over, and cooked dinner, and we all watched the season 4 premiere of 'Breaking Bad'. What a show. I'm not a big TV nut, but this show is something else. It's gripping, and real, and heartbreaking, and ironic, and I could go on and on,...just unbelievable, and I can really relate to Jesse Pinkman,....I've known Jesse Pinkmans,....that character is so close to my heart, it hurts. You have to watch the show to know what I'm talking about, but it's the best TV I've ever watched. Already can't wait for next week's show. Anywho!~ last week I took a week off from work,(for my b-day,) and Saturday I got up early,(for me,) and went to the mall,...I made myself,....I've been having a hard time with my anxiety again,....major,.....and phobias. I feel like I can't go anywhere alone again, and I get all hyper, and corner myself into a big anxiety attack. It's hard, I haven't done that to myself since my mom went into the hospital and I had to drive down to Key Largo by myself 4 yrs. ago. Very hard. So I went to the mall, walked around, and ran into our next-door-neighbors that I adore,......a couple and their two daughters that I've watched and LOVE them to death! We walked around, had lunch, got pedicures, and I got my ears pierced,....it was a fun, girly, kinda day,....but I feel like I cheated. I feel like I didn't walk around by myself, like I was trying to make myself,....but it was too fun, and at the time I didn't care. If I felt better now I would go today and make myself do something alone, but I feel too sick. I don't know. My problems are so overwhelming to me, that I don't know where to start to help myself. I've made an appt. to see the psychiatrist again for next week. I'm actually looking forward to that. I am. I think it helps me,....even if I think it helps me, helps. (Make sense?) I know,....I'm confusing myself now. Let me go lie down with Munky, and all my problems disappear. Going in for a nap,-see ya.

GREAT gift, BADDDD day

2011-07-12T18:39:00.008-04:00

Horrible, horrible day today. I won't get into it, - I sound like a broken record, but it was just awful,.....even if I don't have to be back to work til this Friday. Jeez. Soooo~ what do you think I did for a couple of hours to make myself feel better and calm down? (Yes, I said 'to calm down',....it was THAT kinda day.) I WENT SHOPPING. Yup. Found some pretty cool layered(?) skirts from Allsaints at our local TJMaxx believe it or not!!! What a deal. I bought one in black and one in a pinky-beige color.. Allsaints. How in the world do THEY get this stuff? The same TJMaxx where I found a Gucci crossbody bag for $400 six months ago!!! (Bought that too.) I love that look of a ruffled,layered above-the-knee skirt with a long fitted cardigan with the ruffle-y part peeking out the bottom, and some nice wedges. LOVE that look, so that's what the two (hopeful) outfits will be. Then I'm showing ya the said bracelet I got for my b-day from my hubby,....and I also got some nice cherry wood trays to put on our Lane cedar chest once we bring it over from our condo there that we can't decide what to do with. I was even looking on Craigslist last night for a nice bedroom set, but can't seem to find one appropriately priced. I mean there is some gorgeous stuff, but if you think I'm going to spend $1000 on a USED bedroom set, you got another thing coming. No way. I mean if it was EXACTLY what I wanted, I probably would, but if it's not a midcentury modern dark cherrywood, hopefully made by Lane or someone/thing of that nature, and included TWO nightstands, TWO dressers, and a matching headboard, then I'm out of the game. Totally. I found that exact thing about two years ago on there for $400, and someone called a half an hour before I did and snatched it up. Gorgeous set. I still think of it longingly. The lady told me her mother had bought it new in South Carolina in the early 6o's and she was the only owner. Can you believe it?! I swear I walked around in a daze for a week thinking what coulda been with that. She even told me she had JUST POSTED it, (-it hadn't even been on there but for two hours,...figures,....story of my life.)

Happy Birthday to me-pretty scary ain't it

2011-07-11T01:26:00.004-04:00

Well, my birthday has come and gone, and it was just another day really. We don't celebrate stuff like that much really. Years ago, when we lived in Coconut Grove, my (now) husband bought me a beautiful Tiffany two-tone bracelet that I adored. I never took it off,.....for years,.....and when everything happened here at the house, and a year later they came back and arrested me, I had to take off all my jewelry. Well, since than, I started taking off my Tiffany bracelet, and sometimes when I would be on the computer at work for long hours, I would take my bracelet off and put it in my purse, and somehow one day when I went to put it back on, I couldn't find it. I looked all over for it,.....for months,....and months,...and months,...I couldn't find it. My husband even went to Tiffany's in Boca Town Center and looked for the bracelet, and he found out they don't make it anymore. So yeah, I was totally bummed. I was VERY UPSET with myself for losing it. For my birthday yesterday, he found the exact bracelet,(not from Tiffany's tho,) with diamonds in it. I almost cried when he gave it to me at 12:01am last night. That and a kiss on my cheek,....perfect. I loved it. I don't want all the brewhaha, and stuff, I feel too old for that, even if I'm only 40-something. Tonight we went to my sister-in-laws for dinner, and she made a bunch of stuff I like, and had a little chocolate souffle for dessert. Just enough. Just enough. Happy Birthday to me. Nice, quiet, and uneventful,....like I like.

Why are we threatening the wrong people?

2011-07-07T23:53:00.004-04:00

Had our 'grand-reopening' last night at work, and we had over 200 people show up for our little place!!! Great turn-out. I was so tired tho when I got home, and even today I still felt like I got run over and backed-over again. Just tired. I guess that's all part of depression. I still haven't gone back to the dr. yet, but I sure plan on it. I have to,....it's the only thing that I think I will make some progress with, 'cause I sure haven't NOT going to a dr.,.....so why not? I have to try to be sensible and honest WITH MYSELF, and that's the only logical solution I can figure out. And eventually changing jobs,....I have had enough of working and seeing liquor when I don't even drink. Who cares?! It's NOT something I'm interested in, or care about. So yeah,...I wanna do something that I'll be excited to go to work for,.....or even animals,...working with them somehow. I just don't know. My head is so far from being right, right now, that I don't think if I did make a decision it would make me happy or be right in any way. (Maybe I'm wrong to think that way, or I'm putting myself in the wrong right off the bat, but I wanna be sure I make the right decisions,-especially about a job, even if it is just in retail or whatever it may be.) Anyways, I work tomorrow and than I get a paid week off, and another one in Sept. and another in October or Jan. whichever I want. So I'm happy right now,...really looking forward to these days off,-besides,...it's my b-day on Sunday and I wanna have NO CARES, especially worrying about work, or probation, or anything at all,....NO RESPONSIBILITIES,-I like it,(even if it is only for a week.) Yay me. What to do, what to do. I think we'll just have a nice dinner somewhere and maybe go to a movie,...that makes me happy,...(hey,-I'm easy,-I don't ask for much really,...and whatever I do want, I,ME, will buy it myself. Trust me. Altho my husband has MORE than spoiled me with gifts,.....) Anyways,~still watching all this ridiculous Casey Anthony stuff. I understand people are outraged at the verdict, and I understand they want justice for Caylee, but we WEREN'T there, we didn't hear all the evidence, all the testimonies, see all the gruesome stuff they had to, and just like juror #3 said, 'we are judging someone's life and if you aren't 100% sure that they did it, could you live with yourself putting someone to death you think MIGHT'VE killed their child?' Could you really? I know I couldn't ,...no way, and I have to say, as much as I dislike that girl(Casey Anthony) and her smug little looks she gives, I couldn't have put her away for life OR given her the death penalty if I weren't POSITIVELY SURE. How don't people get that? Now the jurors are getting death threats? Really? How stupid can we be? HOW STUPID? Because that IS. Threaten C.A. if you want, but NOT the jurors,....please people, be somewhat smart, would ya? Don't embarrass everyone with your ignorance and quick tempers. I swear sometimes I'm not proud to be a part of this world. People never cease to amaze me at how ignorant and uncaring, we can really be. We don't think things thru. It just makes me hang my head in total shame. Think about it.

I just want my old life back

2011-07-05T15:07:00.007-04:00

Just heard from an old friend via Facebook. THAT'S what FB is all about, not all this other crap that people post, not the bullying, not the name-calling, and mean ways that people use it,...just to keep in touch with people you haven't heard from in a long time, that you're happy hearing from. THAT is what it's about, and I keep in touch with my nieces, and nephews, and cousins who I wouldn't ordinarily be able to keep in contact with their day-to-day experiences, and be part of their life. I like it, but only for that reason. I don't want to hear about every meal, every conversation, every time you have a thought, just the main things, like someone's birthday, first time they bought a car, etc. OK,-you get the picture. SOOOO~ nothing new yet on the legal front, but I'm sure the start of the end will start this week.(Ya like that?) Nothing else really,....no eBay postings, buying, or even looking today. I've been too busy watching the Casey Anthony trial reports, and then the verdict coming out. I was very surprised,....very, but I'm still teetering in my mind if SHE really did it. Just don't know for sure, but it doesn't affect me either way,....so-oh well. Off from work today and next week I have a four day weekend that I'm looking forward to. (My 40-something b-day,-big whopee.) ****that was sarcasm*** My husband is taking a nap right now and the house is nice and quiet, Munky is all curled up with my husband,(so cute,) and it looks like it's going to storm out. My FAVORITE kinda day,....I love when it's like this. My perfect day off. Every day was a perfect day when I didn't work, I loved it. I cooked a nice dinner EVERY NIGHT,sat outside every day with Sugar, and went to the gym every morning and lifted weights. I miss those days. That was before we had our legal fiasco happen. Life seemed so happy then, and it was only 4 yrs. ago. I just don't know how to get back there from here. All the eBaying and Etsying won't bring me back to how I was,....like I said, I have alot of work to do to find myself, and get right again. ALOT. Thanks you as%h*l# creeps who wrecked our home, scared our kitteh, and changed our lives forever. There is no love lost with the cops,DEA, and ATF here. Trust me on that. I just want out of this neighborhood, and out of South FL. I hate it and Them. Oh,...and happy 4th. Bah-humbug-I hate fireworks.

Coming soon,....decisions

2011-07-02T01:34:00.005-04:00

Okay, so I'm still on hold with certain said legal situations, thru the July 4th weekend, but only til then. I will be calling said authorities this week, go to a court hearing, pay some MORE fines/court costs, and this whole 4 year legal clusterf*%# will be over and done with COMPLETELY. Yes, you heard me right,....COMPLETELY. I'm still not sure how long it will be before it really sinks in. It all ended for my husband a month ago, and he told me he's still waiting for himself to return to 'the real me'. Funny,....that's exactly how I feel. When this is all really over,...will I go back to the gym?, will I stop being depressed?, will I lose the 40 lbs. I gained? Etc. I keep thinking it will all change like the on and off of a light switch, but I think I have ALOT of work ahead of me to get back to who I was, or find who I am now,(and I don't mean buying more handbags either.)I'm just scared to figure out what's next,...I mean I'm scared and EXCITED at the same time, but I'm ready for the next chapter in our lives to start. I just wanna get there, get settled in, and be there already. In my mind, I'm already there,...believe me, I keep waiting,...and waiting, but my husband is dragging his feet,...I mean he's as depressed, and energy-less as I am. I don't think all the handbags in the world will help me right now,...I have to make some serious decisions soon,...and I don't know how I will do it honestly.

Is this really my life now?

2011-06-26T02:39:00.004-04:00

Well I got my Mulberry bag and WHAT A GREAT DEAL I GOT. That's all I have to say about EBay. I mean, I've gotten every really popular, high-end handbag I've ever wanted on Ebay, and paid a fraction of the cost, - YOU JUST CAN'T BEAT THAT. You can't. I've gotten (ALL AUTHENTIC,)a Fendi Spy Bag, numerous beautiful Chanel bags, numerous Louis Vuitton bags, a Chloe Paraty, a Prada two-tone, bow bag,( Tessuto Fiocca leather clutch), a YSL Mombasa,a Gucci Pelham and Boston bag, a Michael Kors Chain bag and Tonne bag, and now a Mulberry Bayswater Oak. I can't tell you if you just take your time, and do some research, and stay patient, you will eventually find what you want on EBay, AND for at least HALF the price. I know, because I've done it, BUT YOU HAVE TO BE PATIENT. Usually I'm NOT. BUT,....I LOVE to shop, and EBay is pure heaven to me, I mean being able to shop and find unbelievable deals 24/7,-it's like crack to a junkie. Anyways~ I save my money, put it in place, and sit and wait, like a marksman,....look for that good deal, and swoop in and go for it. There are a few deals I lost that still haunt me, (especially a Hugo Boss bag that kills me to this day,...) but there is nothing I can do about it, and hopefully,....eventually I'll find another just like it. I HOPE. Let me tell you, I should be a spokesperson for EBay. I can't say enough good about them. I've bought AND sold, and so far have had good experiences, but not without a little effort. Oh well, I'll take it for those deals. Oh definitely. SOOOOOOO ~ the bag alone made my week. I even got caught in a horrible thunderstorm here, and I got soaked to the bone, and my bag,......well let's just say not a drop touched it!!!! What else? Monday I'm seeing my bestest friend for lunch, and some shopping at Ikea. How fun is that? She was the closest friend I ever had, and we thought so much alike it scared us. She's the one, we could be shopping, and looking around, and both pick up the same item, and not even realize it. SO MANY times, and we loved the same wine,(which oddly enough I am NOW allergic to,)and we both loved weight-lifting, and working-out, and everyone knew us as the gym girls,....I LOVED it, she was and still is gorgeous, and me,.....well you know what I'm like now,.....I have NO ONE to inspire me anymore. No one. I can't get myself together,...I can't,....and it's slowly killing me. I feel like I'm watching my life in slow motion, and watching it die slowly,....and I don't care,....why?! Why? I don't understand myself. I don't. I can't save all the animals,....I can't do what I want,....I can't or don't have the energy for it all, I don't. And it's killing me, or at least that's how I feel. Will this ever go away?

In a split second

2011-06-22T01:46:00.004-04:00

I'm just going to take a few minutes and tell you some of the things I love right now, and some of the things I REALLY dislike (-ok, hate,) right now,because I saw my life flash in front of my eyes today,....I LOVE: watching "Friends" for as long as humanly possible, right along with "The Nanny",...both shows make me laugh, and make me forget about anything bad that's bothering me,....when my kittehs get along, and play together, cuddle me, purr, want my attention, or anything along those lines,....when my husband laughs, like really laughs,belly-laughs,it's wonderful to hear,.....being in bed with my hubby and kittehs on a rainy day,....makes me feel like a family,.....winning an auction and getting a really good deal on eBay,....baking,....Thanksgiving dinner with family and friends,.....having a full tank of gas,....making homemade mashed potatoes,....a haircut that turned out good,....clean sheets,....new shoes or outfits, or both,...going to midnite Mass on X-mas,...sleeping/napping,......remembering the great times with my father when I was young,...and realizing how lucky I was to have a dad like him in my life,....good music,....found money/jewelry,(something that was lost,)......
OK,...now things I DISLIKE: foul and crude language,...loud people,....phones,....ANY phones,...at work, cellphones, home phones,...ALL phones,.....oblivious drivers,.....obnoxious people,...loud music,....car stereos,.....screaming kids,....unsupervised kids,.....entitled kids or teenagers,....parents who don't have a clue,....paid programming,...when the camera batteries go dead,....when someone doesn't leave feedback on eBay,....unpainted toenails,....any kinda stitches,-seeing them, having someone show me, or even talking about them has, and WILL make me toss my cookies,....bruises or black and blue marks,....getting up early,....hospitals,....chained-up animals, or caged animals,....humidity,...........unsafe weather,......someone telling a secret they shouldn't be telling,........

Yup,~ if you knew what I went thru today, you'd be like I am right now too. I thought I was going to jail forever,...years,....and this stupid person made a mistake,....and laughed it off like it was nothing,....O.M.G. I wanted to scream,....I drove home shaking so bad I could barely pry my hands off the steering wheel of my car. I came home and unloaded on my husband who immediately calmed me down, waited til I went to work and called our lawyer. Yes,-I will be getting off probation VERY SOON. You have no idea.

Live in the moment

2011-06-19T03:21:00.005-04:00

So it's my usual Sunday or whatever-night-off-the-next-two-days, and I've been on eBay half the night, played with Munky the other half, and watched 'The Nanny', the other half! I did buy a gorgeous, vintage, turquoise, and horn, necklace that will look awesome with just about anything from a white button-up or tshirt, to a faded beat-up denim shirt. I'm still waiting on my Mulberry bag, and I got a gorgeous sterling silver mid-century modern cross to hang above our door. (Our front door has a cross that was my great-grandmother's that came from Italy with her.) I have it, I cherish it, and I will keep it with me always. Every place I've ever lived, it hung over the front door. The only other people I would ever give it to would be my brother S. or my husband,(which when we split-up, I told him he could keep it. He KNOWS how much that cross means to me. He was impressed with me giving-ness. I love him that much,-yes, far more than myself.) Anyhow~got up early today,(for me) and watched the Boston Stanley Cup parade. I almost cried I was so happy and emotional. 39 YEARS! Over a million people lined the streets of Boston for over 24 hrs. they said. That's alotta people. Went to work, and was still on a 'high' from the parade. Work was busy, and went by pretty uneventful.(Thank goodness.) My husband is out at the casino, and I bought a bottle of vodka, some gourmet cream soda, and a Father's Day card from the kittehs. (He'll laugh,....it'll make him smile. They ARE our kids, so why not?) Nothing else really. I have probation on Tues. morning that I've already been worrying about since last week. My husband called our lawyer, and hopefully he is already trying to get me off it. (It's been 10 months now, for nothing.) So I'll hopefully find out some good news next week. I hope it's the last time I have to go. It's very stressful, and I don't belong there. At. All. Trust me. I've been reading this other blog lately that has totally put my life in perspective. This lady had her husband of over 4o years and one of her goggies(doggies) pass away a week apart.(Life's free treats.) I think I woulda killed myself. I don't know,......so sad. I hate to think of that poor woman alone, and grieving, and there is absolutely nothing anyone can do or say to make it all better. I cried my eyes out a little while ago reading it. Makes me feel very lucky, and I'm honestly trying to enjoy every moment I can with little Munky, Sugar, my husband, and live in the moment. I watch Munky, and wonder what the hell I will do without her one day. She is the little light of my life, next to Sugar and my hubby. If you saw how many pictures of her I have, you'd think I was insane. She IS my child. Oh well,....to each his own, and my thoughts are with that woman wherever she is. I can't stop thinking of her, and hoping she will make it thru okay.

Okay I'm HAPPY

2011-06-16T00:57:00.010-04:00

I'm HAPPY right now, and that's it. So HAPPY.

Little bit of everything

2011-06-14T19:31:00.003-04:00

Watched the game last night and I was ecstatic! I loved watching Tim Thomas play and win. (Almost as good as when I used to LOVE watching Patrick Roy play,-no one in sports has caught my eye until now.) No one is exciting to watch, no one has personality, no one has what it takes to stand out and take a chance, like Patrick Roy did,.....until now. Tim Thomas is the epitome of class, and backs it up. He's intelligent when he speaks, and always has something to add to an interview, and on the ice he's not afraid to stand his ground, AND protect it.(A la the linebacker goalie. LOVE it.) THAT'S what sets him apart, and I like that. I used to have a favorite in every sport that was like that,....but they are all gone, and either don't play,-retired,...or passed away. Sad. I used to love watching Ken Caminiti play when he was with the San Diego Padres, he was rough and tumble, you loved watching him take a swing, and that guy took pride in being in-shape,....he could've done so much more if he just would've stayed away from drugs. I'll never forget the day I found out he passed away, I cried all night. I missed watching him play,....I mean genuinely missed seeing him play baseball. All the damn hoopla after he passed just made me ill. Who cares,...I just wanted to watch someone play great, and love it like he did. I got to see Howie Long when he played for the Raiders, and thought he was the greatest thing since sliced bread, until he retired,....I mean I know he's a family man and all, but he's so boring now. He's GREAT to look at, but I miss the wildman he was when he played. Then there was my all-time favorite; Patrick Roy. Intimidating, backed-up, wildman on the ice, one of the only goalies that would fight, and he played phenomenally,...he could back up everything, 4 Stanley Cups with two different teams, and cocky as all hell,...I adored him. Even off the ice, he was in the middle of things. (His now ex-wife worked in a strip club when he met her, I've heard.) He was married and faithful, (which I heard could not be said for her,) and they have 3 gorgeous children,....but were divorced after almost 20 years of marriage I believe. He is always in some kinda controversy with hockey still,...I love it and still adore him to no end. To. This. Day. (Can't wait til we move to Canada.) Anyhow~now I have Tim Thomas to watch, and lovin' him so far. I love when they can be all things at once; a loving family man, a great athelete,intelligent, and a wildman,....that's the best to me. (My husband thinks I'm strange and sic that I like that,....little does he know I just described him to a "T".) Funny how that works, eh?

Nothing at all

2011-06-12T22:53:00.004-04:00

Okay-so I'm off for the next two days,....and the Heat just lost,(which makes me happy,-I HATE basketball,) and I got my bag on the way. I'm a happy camper right now. I also sold more stuff on eBay, and that makes me happy too. The next two days I will list different stuff instead of RELISTING things. I gotta have new, fresh stuff to keep people coming back,......right? Well,~ I have to send out some $$$ to for my PRBTN this week, and NOT happy 'bout it either. And, I have to buy Munky a traveling thingy so I can go get her nails cut tomorrow. Yea, my husband thinks I don't love her becuz I don't cut her nails twice a month. (Do you know what it's like to try to cut a cat's nails when they don't like it, all on your own??!!!) It's a nightmare, and a trip to the ER. I can't do it alone, and my husband refuses to help me. So,-I have to have someone do them for me,(her,) us. Anywho~ gotta check on Munky out on our front porch, and see what I can dig thru in my boxes and boxes of stuff to list on EBay,....so I will see ya. This is short and sweet. (Is it?) I'll keep ya posted, and carefree right now. Go Bruins tomorrow night. Yeaaa baay-beeee!!!(Tim Thomas-will put on a show I hope and win.) C'mon cutie-pie.

Little bit of this

2011-06-10T14:19:00.005-04:00

Just a quick post before I have to go into work,(blah.) Watching the Casey Anthony trial, and keep going back and forth as to thinking she did it or not. I think she didn't do it. She was set up maybe? I don't know. I will NEVER in my life understand how people can kill a child, ANY child. Never. (And don't get me started about animals. I'd like to hunt down and torture a few people after reading some horrid things in the newspaper down here.) SOOOOOO~ been on eBay, and selling some things. It's slowed down ALOT, but selling a couple of things a week, at least it's something. Ummm,...found a Mulberry Baywater bag on there for a really good deal.(I had to get it.) I mean it was like 80% off the price, and AUTHENTIC. I'll let you know. I'm eyeing a pair of Jeffrey Campbell shoes too. I'll show my purchases when I get them. I'm off to get ready for work. I have a job interview next week with Macys. (Big whoop most of you say,) but I rather work for them than a liquor company I have no attachments or go-getting-ness for. I mean in Macys, at least I'll be around clothes, shoes, jewelry, etc. that I love to sell,....makes sense? I dunno', I just know I need a change,-that's all. And Lord, PLEASE let the Bruins win tonight. PLEASE. I'm off to the factory. See ya.

Than what?

2011-06-09T00:21:00.005-04:00

So the Boston Bruins won again tonight!!! Yay us, and hottie, and AWESOME goalie Tim Thomas. Yay. Anyways,-didn't go into work today,....long couple o' days,-that's all I gotta say. Took Munky for a walk after Munky and Sugar took a long nap together in our bed,...and I did some cardio, and my husband went to the gym,.....going to work tomorrow,and I'm already off on Friday, and I work Sat., Sun., and Mon. LONGGGG weekend. That's okay,...after this Sunday, I'm off for a month of Sundays. That sounds so nice. At least I'm promised that. (I better be.) Anywho~ I haven't bought anything in the last few days, but I've sure thought about it. I just put a bid on a Dooney bag on Ebay, and I donated a little bit to the Panther Conservation Center in Wellington, FL. I had to. I got on the website and saw all on there and wished it was me that did all that. (My husband thinks I need to concentrate on domestic kittehs instead on exotic cats,)....I guess thats what needs help the most. I mean, the No-Kill Revolution is trying. I just need someone to tell me to do this or that to help,....I need EASY instructions, and that's all. Am I wrong? I really do wanna help,....I do. I just need something easy to strive for. And that is it. NO-KILL. My eBay selling has come to a fast halt. Sold about ten things for over $500, and now NOTHING. Nothing. What's up with that? What am I doing wrong all of a sudden? I'm just going to keep putting listings up and see what happens and not give up. Nope. I've stopped seeing the dr. but I have to go back. I have to. I was just starting to make some headway, and decisions, and answers. Help. It's all helping. So yay, I gotta go back,(not like it's a hardship. They even have animal therapy, which YOU KNOW APPEALS to me.) In two weeks. (I have some bills.)Other than that, I'm okay. I drank again tonight. How long does it have to be before I say that I drink? I mean, I never drank like this except for the two years my husband and I split up. Now, we are just going thru this 'bad time'. I asked my husband what big changes will happen when I finally get off probation and he had no answer for me. I mean, we live like paupers, and not happy with our lives at all. I mean he plays poker which he loves, I have the kittehs, and eBay which I love, and we have each other, and have fun together alot, but overall, we are not happy in our life right now. (Legal situation.) So,really,.....if we die tomorrow, than what? Than what?Do we move? Do things really change at all or will it be YEARS? I just need something to strive toward,....anything. My babys help, but I wanna learn more about them. More. Do I go back to school? Do I try for another business to own ourselves? What's next? Than what? I just don't know what to do? I don't. I'm just letting days and days go by,....our lives are just passing us by.

All my mistakes, with 2 drinks

2011-06-07T00:19:00.005-04:00

Okay,.....so I don't drink, and I've had a brandy alexander with chocolate ice cream that my mom used to make for us on X-mas Eve when we were kids, and I'm buzzed beyond belief. I love it. I feel invincible. I understand when people drink,.........and why. When it hits you good, it hits you GOOD. When it doesn't, it DOESN'T. I saw a cop on the way to Mickey D's, and I yelled out the window that the doughnut shop was the other way! My husband WAS NOT HAPPY. I thought it was hysterical after I stopped being mad. I hate them. I got on eBay after 1 and a half B.A.s, and I wanna buy everything! I understand why Jen Lancaster buys 'stuff' online when she's drinking. Really. I want it all. Necklaces from J.Crew,....shoes by Jeffrey Campbell, (I SO LOVE HIM,)......clothing by the wee Olsen twins, by Elizabeth and James, or The Row, (which is ONLY made in SMALL sizes,) and Loree Rodkin knuckle rings,......I want it all. I'm so buzzed. I watched the Boston Bruins, and my cutie-pie,-Tim Thomas, win BIG tonight,.....I'm a happy camper. Trust me. All I need is to buy something. Trust me.(if you could see all my mistakes you'd laugh.) I'm positive I'll be asleep in half an hour. Go Bruins!!! Go Tim Thomas!!! HE IS SO ADORABLE. I think in another life I was a hockey goalie. I LOVE them. See ya. Off to sleep by my husband's suggestion!!! Seeya Q!!!

Short and sweet

2011-06-03T02:54:00.002-04:00

Ya know, every day you live, and hopefully you find something that makes you smile a little. My husband, and kittehs do that for me. Then you hear or read about someone who has had a great loss in their life, and makes you thankful for all that you have every single second. And I am. Believe me. I don't take things for granted, but I do punish myself for everything that has gone wrong in our lives. I take it out on myself. (That much my doctor has made me realize.) She says that I can't forgive myself for this whole legal fiasco. I think she might be right. I have to start taking better care of myself, and exercising again. I have to. I have to find a way. Maybe I'll go thru our photo albums and look at pictures of me when I was really in shape. (I'll probably just get depressed instead of motivated.) Who knows. I just know that I am lucky in so many ways,...and every day passes by like nothing. Like water running thru my hands. Thats it really. I'm gonna finish watching 'The Nanny', and go to bed. Munky will be cuddling right by my side, and THAT does make me very happy and content. 'Night.

Etsy-EBay

2011-05-31T13:18:00.003-04:00

Okay, so, my first day off has come and gone, and I don't have to be at work til tomorrow (Weds. at 4pm.) Yay me. EBay is kicking my ass, but I'm making money selling stuff, so I can't complain one bit. Life is kicking my ass. What do I do? I don't know how to stop my downward spiral. My weight gain, my little wheel of life. I can't seem to care about myself enough to do something about my weight. I thought I would never be like this in my entire life. NEVER. I can remember saying I would starve myself before I would ever be over-weight, and look at me now. Come back to bite me in the ass.(Sorry.) THAT'S what I get for saying that. So~my niece's wedding is coming up,(in September,) and I'm not sure that I'm going, and then if I do, what can I wear?(In other words~ what can I actually fit into, and not look ridiculous?) So yeay, I'm fighting with myself about it. I really wanna go, and it's up in Georgia, (which I LOVE,) and it will be alotta fun,....but I'm still not sure. I gotta see how I am. SOOOOOOOO,......that's my dilemma,....altho I've been on the Etsy site, and let me tell ya,...there is some extremely talented people who can make stuff that should be 'discovered' on there. For real. The clothes, the scarves, the jewelry,...if you have the time and patience, you WILL find some great one-of-a-kind things on there. GORGEOUS stuff. Love,...love,....love it. Okay, so I'm off to the post office to mail out my stuff that was sold, and putting more listings on, so I'm off being busy in my little world.

Welcome to my world

2011-05-27T00:39:00.003-04:00

Well eBay and work have been keeping me VERY BUSY. I have 20 listings on eBay, and half of them have bids. I have such nervous, excitement, and nervous what-if-I-can't-do-this-thoughts. I hate being hemmed in, in any way, shape or form. It scares me when I have commitements like that. I can tell you the last times my husband and I traveled, we both were so excited, and then the night before, or the morning of, we both wished we never made the plans. We would go anyways,(except for once when I cancelled.) I LOVE being home with the kittehs, and the familiar, and my own bed, and car, and everything I know. Weird,-huh? I can't help it tho. I really get scared to death when I HAVE to do stuff,(like court, and PRBT.) It really sucks to be like this. There is no happy medium with me either. That is why all this legal crap going on in my life is like pure torture. It really is,-I can't tell you. Anyhow~ so everything right now is kicking my butt. Knowing I have to send out all that stuff (for Ebay) makes me worry,....work is making me crazy,...and I just want things to change, I just don't know how, except for me to be done with this legal nightmare. That's all. Just took Munky for her walk, and we had fun. Ya know it's been two years now that I've had her and been taking her for her walks around our yard and house, and I can tell she JUST NOW is getting bored with OUR yard. She wants to venture into other people's yards, and trees, and mailboxes, and smell absolutely everything. She's a very timid kitteh except for when she's hunting,(I've taught her to hunt the lizards, but let them go.) She will get them, and I say 'drop it', and she does. She is so smart and such a good girl. I adore her to no end. I couldn't imagine my little life without that little peanut in it. I look forward every night when I come home from work, (she is so happy to see me,) she runs around like a dog, and starts meowing right away. She runs and scratches all her posts, and she'll gallop around the bed, and run from room to room. It's quite cute. I usually change clothes, say 'hi' to my husband, and hook her up to her harness, and she runs to the back door and meows til I take her out. So like I said, she is just now getting bored with our yard, and I find myself walking her down the street. She is extremely scared of people except for my husband and I, and my sister-in-law,....she will hide under the bed for days when there is a stranger, (like a repairman, or one of my husband's friends stops by.) I hate seeing her like that, but she is that scared, so night time walking is basically a must,....so we walk up and down our street, and she's still trying and learning to climb trees. She loves this big tree in our neighbors yard, but I'm always so afraid someone will think I'm sneaking around trying to break into houses or something. I don't let her go up in someone's yard far at all. As long as I am still on the sidewalk holding her leash, she can walk as far up as she can, but then thats it. And I'm afraid she will get stuck in our neighbors tree,.....late at night,...and I' standing there looking like I'm up to no-good. Makes me worry, that's all. Maybe I worry too much,.........about everything. Welcome to my world. Oh well,.....things could be worse,(or at least I keep telling myself that.)

My ramblings

2011-05-23T12:47:00.007-04:00

I finally put ALOT of stuff on eBay,...I'm making headway. Work is making me a little crazy,(so what else is new?) And we got rid of some unwanted furniture which opened up some space in Munky's room,...so now I can store more stuff in there, and not in our 'exercise' room. Yea, sounds ridiculous I know. If you saw how much stuff there is to be sold on eBay, you would understand. So now it will be confined to just one room, and it won't make my husband so crazy.(THAT I understand.) Hey~ that's exciting for me. I like when things get a little more organized,-it makes me feel better. So today, I'm off from work, and I will be listing more and more stuff,~ which puts me in a good mood, and doing some other stuff around the house. Boy-I get more and more boring as everyday goes by. Watching the news,....what's up with Arnold S.? Why did he have to get married if he was going to fool around the whole time? I don't get that. I mean, why does anyone get married if they are not going to take it totally serious? It took me until I was 41 til I got married,...and like I've said from day one; 'there is no divorce in my vocabulary,' and I mean that 100%. I take it extremely serious,...I mean, my parents were so in love after 32 yrs. of marriage and that made a tremendous impact on me and how I looked at marriage. I love my husband, I like my husband, and my husband is my best friend. I trust no one like I trust my husband. There is no other man I have ever met like him. (Even when we first met, and we were just friends, and he was marrying someone else, I knew that I would never have another friend like him.) I actually got a tattoo on me for him that said 'I Remember You'. I knew what an upstanding, honorable guy he was. And he still is. THAT'S how much I believed in him tho. Whether he was going to be in my life or not, I got that tattoo. And look at us now, almost 21 years together, and still happy with each other. THAT'S what I'm talking about. I mean we have our problems and disagreements like everyone else, but we respect each other, we talk, we have fun, and really enjoy spending time together. We "get" the same things, and that counts for alot. Nothing is perfect, no one is perfect, but some people do mesh together better than others,-that much IS obvious. What Arnold is putting his family through, and those poor kids. All of them. It kills me to think about. THAT'S why people are growing-up so messed-up, and making poor decisions. I really believe that. I mean, I didn't have kids because I knew I wouldn't be able to bring them up to my own standards. So I didn't have them. EVERYTHING should be secondary when you have children. I mean I know some people don't have a choice; work, or spend time with their kids and not eat, or have a roof over their head, so I do understand that. But you can still teach them what's right and what's wrong, and I honestly don't believe people do that now. Things are SOOOO different than when I grew-up, and I don't think for the better. I really don't. Kids now just grow-up feeling so entitled,....to everything, and that's not how life works. I just don't know how these generations will handle everything in life that gets thrown at them. It's scares me to think about. But it's all just my opinion, that's all. No big deal. We are all aloud to have them,and we all don't have to agree,-right? I hate when I sound judgemental. That's NOT me, and I wasn't raised like that, and here I am sounding that way, and being all self-righteous. I don't mean it to sound that way at all, just expressing how I feel,....is that wrong? Am I being too judgemental? When does how I feel stop, and being judgemental begin? What is up with me? If I offended anyone sounding off, I am sorry, but I am just expressing my thoughts, worries, feelings,-honest. That's all really. Ok. I'm done. Thanks for listening.

Wanna buy some shoes?

2011-05-19T20:58:00.003-04:00

Well I finally got a few things up for sale on eBay, but I need to get ALOT more listed. I guess I'll do a little every night. At least it'll be some extra money coming in,....with all the clothes, shoes, jewelry, and handbags I have. Am I weird like that or what? I don't know why my husband thinks I'm so wrong to have all the 'stuff' that I do. As long as I sell it, what difference does it make? I mean we live a 3/2 house, just us two, and he gripes because the two extra bedrooms are filled with my boxes of 'stuff'. Do I complain about the garage and the patio being filled with his tools and junk? NO. Not one word. Ever. Believe me. I feel guilty every single time I buy something tho. I hide it usually, and then just throw it somewhere and eventually wear it, and he will have seen it for so long he never thinks it's new.(Am I being too sneaky?)Am I that wrong? I mean, maybe I've been like this for so long that I don't know what's right and wrong anymore. I mean I don't think it's a big deal really, but sometimes we do get in those big tiffs about all my 'stuff', and that feeling comes out in me again, and I get defensive. I'll have to talk to my dr. about it. A big anyways~ I'm sitting here watching the Bruins and Lightening,(GO Tim Thomas and the Bruins,...HE'S a HOTTIE,) and my hubby's at the gym, and I just came in from taking Munky out for her walk, and I'm going to start cooking dinner soon,....(if I didn't work again, I could sooooo be a great housewife again and have dinner on the table every night, etc.) Anyways,~I have Sunday off, and I'm happy 'bout that. So I guess I'm boring like I always say,....I'll be listing more stuff on eBay now,....I am boring,-jeesh.

Much about nothing

2011-05-17T15:18:00.003-04:00

I'm finally off from work, and it was 'hell day'. I'm basically being given 'managerial' responsibilities without the pay. I'm hating this. H-A-T-I-N-G. I don't want the responsibility, and I've actually said this verbatim and still got stuck yesterday with corporate bosses. (This makes me very aggravated,) and I'm not a safe person to put this on in these situations because I will let my opinions be known whether it be good, bad, or ugly, and I won't be talked down to. Believe me, I'm not the kind of person who has an ego, I will do just about anything at work that needs to be done, THAT'S why I don't need someone talking to me like I'm an idiot. Soooooo,...all in all the day went by uneventful. Got home around 3 o'clock, and my husband had a nice meal waiting for me, and I then took a much needed nap with Sugar and Munky both in bed with me. It was so cute, at one point I woke up and Sugar was at my feet,(he was being grouchy,) and Munky and I were actually nose to nose. I almost cried at how cute she's being. I fell back asleep for a couple more hours, and by 7:30 all three of us were outside in the yard running, playing, and watching lizards. We stayed outside for 2 hrs.!!! It was beautiful out. Came in, and right now I'm going to try to put some things up on eBay. I will see what I can get on up for sale. No angry outbursts, no crying jags, no nothing from me, so I guess I'm doing okay. No big deal, right? Let me get going,.........

Up and Down

2011-05-11T01:00:00.004-04:00

Okay,so,.....I'm still trying to stay,(be) in a good mood. It's not working. My wonderful, happy, mood is gone, and I'm still doing cardio, I'm still trying to be on the upswing, and I just can't do it. I mean I don't want to stay in a good mood all the time,...I just want to NOT hate the world, wanna spend every waking minute with my kittehs, ( and the computer,) and not leave my house all the time. I have to get on "I Can Haz Cheezburger" to laugh,...it's the only thing except for Jen Lancaster's website,(and she's on her book tour, so she's not blogging right now. I'm jonesing.) If it weren't for them, I'd wanna slit my wrists right now. I hate my job, I hate being in my legal situation, and I wanna move from this house. (To think I once thought that this could be our forever house. Never again. Never.) I just want out of here, out of this neighborhood, out of Florida. It's either Georgia, or Canada, and Canada is looking alot better to me,(and better for my husband.) Trust me,....time will tell. I'm so up and down,-I know. Don't think I don't know how unstable I sound,...one minute I'm on top of the world with stuff I wanna buy, and looking at on eBay, and the next I don't wanna see another soul. I'm sorry to sound like this, but it's true. I have to keep trying,- I know. And I will,...my kittehs need me. And I want that Prada purse I found on the web last nite,(the leopard one that Jessica Simpson was wearing recently.) Hey! I have goals, I have to have something good to look forward to. I need somethin'. Thanks for listening. Sorry to sound like a crazy woman. Chin up for me. (I'm tryin'.)

One day maybe

2011-05-10T03:00:00.006-04:00

All I have to say is I have to have these Prada shoes! Love the girls and love those shoes! Hopefully one day,..........maybe. (Can these girls be anymore enviable?)

Good day today

2011-05-08T21:30:00.008-04:00

Okay,...so I don't drink, but I have the next two days off, and my husband is in a good mood, and it's the NHL playoffs, and I'm in a good mood,(I did cardio today,) and wellllll, I had ONE apple martini while making shrimp primavera, (sp?) fir dinner, and I feel great!!! (not to mention it's 2-0 San Jose against Detroit, and that will ALWAYS make me happy!!! I HATE the Detroit Red Wings, except for Steve Yzerman, LOVE HIM.) Anywho~ I'm on eBay looking at stuff and comparing things that I'm getting ready to put up for sale, so, as I'm saying,...."I'm doing research", (even tho I'm just looking for the next bag I'm gonna buy once I make some money,-just don't tell my husband that. *giggle*giggle*) I go thru all my fashion magazines, and figure out what I love and absolutely CAN'T live without, and then I just wait a little while, and my patience pays off. On eBay, you will eventually find it for ALOT LESS. It's great. I mean really, if someone has money, they can find some unbelievable deals on there,...if you just have patience, and persistence. This new bag by Dooney (which I saw on something that Rachel Bilson suggested, and said that she loved,...) and I fell in love with it. And now they just came out with an updated version of it, and I just have to have it. I LOVE it. I also am loving this new t-shirt I found on some website that has a bunch of 'Friends' stuff on it. I love it! It's so cute, it's so my husband and I. (He's my lobster.) Remember that on 'Friends'? I think I'm going to get that too. I'm also looking for a couple of other things that you are probably bored hearing about,...so,...this has been my day. Yep. (And the Wings won that damn game. Booooooo. NOT happy 'bout that at all.) But it's been a good day for me. I'll check back tomorrow,....I'll be busy putting stuff on eBay,...can't wait.

I'm trying

2011-05-07T02:10:00.003-04:00

Well I've been getting up and doing cardio everyday now for almost a week, and I have to say,(even if it's in my head,) I've been in a much better mood. I've even gotten my husband in a better mood too. (He's noticed. Jeesh! It's only been a week people!) Anywho~ I still get mad as ever, so THAT hasn't gone away as much as I wish it would.SO~ I got on Amazon last week and ordered my Jen Lancaster books, and I've finished the first one in three days. Pree-tay good for someone who's working almost 12 hrs. a day. I can never put her stuff down. And I LMAO. My husband constantly runs in the bedroom when he hears me laughing (and coughing from laughing,) to ask if I'm okay, and then he realizes I'm reading "that book",(as he rolls his eyes at me.) At least SOMETHING is making me laugh. That and watching "Friends", or "The Nanny",.....I know it sounds mind-numbing, and silly, but those shows make me forget all the stupid, horrible, stuff that goes on in this world, and the stupid, ugly, legal stuff that's going on our lives. It's one big, long, nightmare that won't go away (for almost 4 yrs. now.) And believe it or not, my other favorite show is "Breaking Bad", and I get VERY emotional watching that. Very. It's very hard, and I take it all so personally. I really do. It doesn't start up til this July, but I can't wait. (Even tho it drains the hell outta me. It's probably the best show I've ever been addicted to. It's unbelievable .) Anyways,.....I have Sunday and Monday off and I'm very much looking forward to it,...even tho I can't leave the county to go see my mom for Mother's Day,-I'm not going to get all pissy. (I'm going to try I said! Try. I promise.) The other good thing is, I went to the bank today, and opened up a small business account to start selling on eBay again. I'm pretty excited about it. I'm going to start putting things up for sale on Monday. Totally looking forward to doing all that. So wish me some luck with that, and I'm going to keep myself in a good mood,....keep doing cardio, and just try to not get upset at stupid little things in life. (Just the big things I see on the news. OK?) I'll get back to ya, and let ya know how eBay is. (Yay me.)

My bad side

2011-05-04T01:00:00.005-04:00

Had an okay day at work, (it went by pretty uneventful,)......which is just fine by me. Alot of thoughts running thru my head today,...what with the Bin Laden stuff all over the news and all. Really makes you think. Makes you think about moments, and if your life ended tomorrow would you have any regrets? Would you have been happy? Did you live like you really wanted to? Did the people around you know how much they meant to you? or how you really feel about them? Does all the other crap really matter? I mean really. That girl that flirts with your husband, the guy that is a total jerk, the person on the cellphone practically yelling their conversation that you can hear,......that person that cuts you off in traffic,.....I mean really? Does it really matter? Trust me,...I ask myself this ALL THE TIME, and I STILL get mad. Knowing all this stuff doesn't really matter,....shouldn't matter, but I get angry and frustrated, and mad, and aggravated anyways. With all the negative, legal stuff that is in our lives, and what we went thru, I get mad. I get mad at every little thing. I can't quite figure it out, but I do. I'm trying to be smart about this, but I can't get past my anger and frustration. I mean, I can deal with some girl flirting with my husband, (hell that happens everytime we go out together,) but the other stuff, I just lose my mind. Why? Why? Why? My doctor seems to think that I can't forgive myself for not caring as long as I have about myself since this whole legal fiasco has happened,...so, that's the consensus, and I STILL get mad.What will it take for me to get back to normal? I mean I can only change me, - right? And I'm trying, but it's really hard. Maybe when everything is all over and done with, and totally out of our lives will I be able to be less angry and bitter. (But I doubt it.) I don't know when it started, (well I think I do,-it was when my dad passed away,- my mom says I've never been the same since.) So I don't know how to handle myself like this. I mean throw a horrid legal situation at us, and you got me how I am now. I'm awful. I'm out of shape, I don't take care of myself anymore, I don't care period. Did my dad take my good side with him when he passed? Did I just let it go? I'm really trying hard to understand what really makes me so angry (besides the obvious legalities,) but other than that,...it's people. Stupid people. People who don't seem to pay attention around them,....especially people who don't care about animals, or little kids. This all just makes me insane. That's why it's hard for me to read the newspaper, or watch the local news, and not blow-up, get angry, and want to smack someone. Really. Like that saying; the more I get to know people, the more I love animals. Yep,...that's me. I'd rather hangout with my kittehs anyday, than be around people. Trust me,-it's more true than you know. I've recently cancelled getting together with a friend I made thru work, and I just couldn't do it. I felt so inadequate, and just not in the mood to deal with anything or anyone. So at the last minute I was rude by cancelling, and that was that. Of course she hasn't called or come in again since than. I don't blame her, me blowing her off at the last minute, but I panicked and couldn't cope. That's how I feel alot. I just can't cope. Like I'm going to run screaming from the room uncontrollably. Okay, now I'm just rambling AND scaring MYSELF. I'm gonna stop now. Sorry, and thanks for listening.

A much overdo THANK YOU

2011-05-02T18:34:00.002-04:00

Went to bed last night non-believing. I was in awe of everything Obama did without anyone knowing. Not a peep. And I'm thankful for this man, and what he's made of. You may not agree, but I voted for him, I believe in him, and I'm thankful for him. I don't like to talk politics ever,...but people need to realize he accomplished something miraculous, much-needed, and something that (asshole) Bush couldn't do in the entire time he was in office,...AGAIN, I know you might not agree, or like how I feel, but you have to admit, Obama did it with dignity, he took a chance, and got it done knowing it could go all wrong, and make him look worse to everyone who has never liked him or have turned their back on him. (You know he is STILL undoing all that Bush has done in the previous eight years he filled his bank account, and powered up his family name.) So, yes he can, and yes he did, and yes, I'm still behind Obama 200%. Always have been from day one, and always will be. Sure,-he's made mistakes, sure, he will again. (Name me ONE president who hasn't. Try.) So please remember this day. Trust me,...Obama IS a good man in a bad spot. Even now. Even still. Presidents are always in bad spots. Just like that saying; all good men aren't good, and all bad men aren't bad. Think about that. Trust me it's true. I know firsthand. And I know better.

I'm out of the gate

2011-04-30T14:46:00.003-04:00

I'm off today, and I've done cardio, and I'm ready for the day. I know it's almost 3 o'clock, but at least I'm trying. I'm in a good mood, and I feel good, which days like this are few and far between for me. I want to go do SOMETHING, I just don't know what. I don't want to go to the mall because I'll shop, and I don't wanna blow my whole paycheck on shopping this week. I'm trying to make lists to get some things done that have needed to get done. I need to accomplish some things, any things, so I know I'm going in the right direction. I think. Sometimes I'm just content to sit in the quiet and read, write, look threw my magazines,....take Munky out for a walk,....anything,...but get things that need to be done,-done. So I guess that's why I feel like I should do something with an outcome. Maybe I'm wrong,...but I think I will feel better if I do something like that. I didn't even make it to the bank today to open up an account for eBay,(which I wanted to do so I could start putting things up on eBay for sale.) I was looking forward to that today,...I love doing that, it's fun to me. So I'll do it Monday when I'm off,....after the dreaded probation visit. So~ that's about it for me today. I'm off to figure out what I'm going to attempt to accomplish. Wish me luck! I'm trying!

I hate work

2011-04-28T23:15:00.005-04:00

At work sometimes I feel like I'm a million miles away, and I wanna be anywhere but there. ANYWHERE, or like I'm gonna run screaming at any second outta there. Does anyone ever feel like that or is it just me? I'm sure if I loved what I do I wouldn't feel like this so much, but selling liquor isn't one of my life's dreams, ya know? I mean bartending for almost 20 yrs. was enough, and if I never saw any kind of alcohol again for the rest of my life, I wouldn't care for a second. Now shoes, handbags, clothing, or jewelry would be fun to sell, or anything in that area would be fun to work with, but I don't see an overweight, 40-something, woman who is still on probation, going to get any kind of job in any decent, respectable place. I'm too old, and just not what someone is looking for in anything it seems right now. I mean I am responsible,(even if it sounds like I'm not what with the probation thing hanging over my head,) I'm punctual, I'm polite, honest, and hardworking,....my appearance isn't sloppy by any means, I make the best of what I am right now, but you'd think that little bit would count for something, but it doesn't. So I will keep looking tho, no matter what. And I'm going to try to lose weight. I started cardio today,...nothing major, just a half hour, but ITS A START. (I'm hoping by the time I'm 50 I will look somewhat better than now.) I guess that's really not saying much,-right now I'm at my heaviest, and my hair is too long, and I feel like I look haggard, but I'm going to try to change all that, at least what I can. Change. It's a good word, and a bad word. In my life it always veered toward the bad side. I hated change of any kind. I grew-up very routine, and any deviation threw me horribly. My one brother is the same way,....so was my father,......I understand how I got like this. My husband is the worst,....he has a routine down to what he eats everyday. Scary thought, isn't it? (How do you think a 50 yr.old man looks like he does? All those muscles didn't come by eating cake and ice cream every night.) I just can't be THAT routine, I need a teeny tiny bit of change when it comes to certain things. I like to go out and try new restaurants,.....it about kills my husband. He can't take it. Go anywhere that we don't normally go and heaven forbid if it's a bad experience, I hear about why we never try something new, so I've basically given up in that regard. I don't mean this in a bad way, it's just how he is and I've excepted that part of him. Believe me,...I can overlook things when I love someone as much as I love him. My parents were always all about trying new places to eat,...they loved that, (yes,-even my father,-he loved how fun my mother was and she made him happy.) So,....the story of my life right? I'm stuck working in a crappy job that I don't really like,...and I have no way of doing anything about it til this legal crap is over and done with. Yup. Running and screaming a million miles away. Just think of me when you hear that in your head. It's in mine every day.

This is me now

2011-04-27T12:07:00.005-04:00

Yesterday went well, and I can now say with a happy heart, my husband is a totally free man, and his portion of this legal fiasco that entered our life almost 4 yrs. ago is over and done with. That's a big relief. I'm still in it for another 4-5 months. So all in all it was a good day. We came home from court and both of us just fell back in bed and slept til 4-5 o'clock in the afternoon. (It's amazing what stress does to you.) Got up and took Munky out for a walk,....and came in and sat on the computer the rest of the night reading, and on eBay,(bought nothing,) and watching the NHL playoffs.(Game 7 tonight for Montreal and Boston. Go Habs! Can't wait for the game to start.) Did nothing really the rest of the night,...I got on Amazon and bought a used book and pre-ordered one by Jen Lancaster that I haven't read. I REALLY look forward to reading them.Her books are like crack to me, I can't wait for the next one, and anything now is gobbled up. I read her books over and over, no one makes me laugh like she does. Isn't it funny? My husband "doesn't get" her humor, and I laugh myself into an asthma/coughing fit.Oh well. I have an appt. with The dr. today, and I'm looking forward to it. I get 'evaluated', and I want to know the outcome. I want to know what it says about me. That's very interesting,...what IS my problem? So I'll keep ya posted, and we'll see how I am, what I am, and what I can do to get back to me again. Yep. We'll see, and for now I'll go back to what I'm good at,.........sleeping.

Happy Keaster

2011-04-24T22:59:00.005-04:00

So Happy Easter. Whoop-dee-do,(as this kitteh would say.) Or,-Happy Keaster is how I would say it. Anyways~had to work ALL day, and half the night tonight. Why can't I work in a job that at least doesn't include every weekend and holiday for cricesake? I mean, - REALLY? It really makes me hate life. How do you get those jobs? I'd like to know. So came home after an almost 11 hr. day, and my husband is at the casino, (smart man,) and I have to work again tomorrow during the day. I get very cranky when I have to get up early in the morning and 8am is waaaayyy too early for me. I mean I'm worrying when I have to get up by noon let alone 8am. Tuesday is court and that's the only reason the last three mornings I haven't really minded too much about getting up. (It's getting me used to getting up at that time,) so I won't be in shock when we go to court,-know what I mean? Walked Munky, and Sugar showed-up and he was unusually cranky. VERY. I wonder if I should take him to the vet? Maybe something's wrong. Maybe he's in pain. I'm starting to think it's been long enough that I should take him. I'll have to talk with my neighbor,(the one he stays at.) She'll let me know if he's nice to them when he's there. He LOVES them like he used to love us.(Before we had Munky.) I don't know,...I'm really worried about him. Also~ I have another dr. appt. on Weds. I'm actually excited to go. I want to see how I'm 'evaluated'. I wanna know everything,(about me.) I think I sound crazy right now. Haven't been shopping much, really trying to hold back and not spend. I'm still trying to find a 'forever home' for that white, pit, puppy I help rescue,....can't seem to find a home for him. I really wish we could take him,...but I know I couldn't give him the time he deserves and needs. Right now I give all my time to Munky and Sugar (when he let's me.) I guess my time will come when I finally will be able to get a dog. I want one so bad. Even a little one I would LOVE. I do want a big dog tho eventually,-a watchdog of sorts. Maybe a doberman, or german shepard, or even a mutt, I don't really care, as long as they have some sort of protection in them. (You know what I mean.) The last dog I had was with my boyfriend that I was engaged to and with for 7 yrs, and the dog was half shepard, half wolf, and the dog was incredibly smart,(too smart for his own good,) and I loved him like he was my child,....trust me, that dog went EVERYWHERE with me. After we split up, I found out he died about three yrs. later, it broke my heart. I had to leave him with my ex because technically he got him and had him first, but it really KILLED me to be away from that dog. I haven't had a dog since, and I trained that dog to where you didn't have to say a word, all hand signals, and he would obey,....only me,...he was so,so, smart it amazed even the dog trainer I had,...he was shocked. I was lucky to have had that dog in my life at all. So the next one I'll be just as lucky, and I'm waiting and hanging by a thread til that day. (Trust me. That day will be one of my happiest.) SOOOO~ nothing else new really,...just ummm, waiting to get court over and done with truthfully. Oh,...and work tomorrow,......then two days off,....I live for my days off,....is that awful? Does everyone enjoy there time off as much as I do? I relish it. (And my husband says I'm lucky I have a job to go to. Yeah right. Whatever. Easy for him to say, he doesn't work, or HAVE to work.) Yeah, sometimes I get a little angry about that, I have to be honest. I love that I was able to take three years off before this job, I was very lucky, and I LOVED not having to work, I cooked dinner every night, and spent all my time with Sugar taking walks, laying in the grass with him outside, or napping or playing inside, it was absolutely great, going to the gym,I volunteered at a local NO-KILL cat shelter even,....but then, I HAD to get a job because in my husband's eyes, 'it was the right thing to do',.....he doesn't come from that concept my parents did, that you worked till a certain point financially, and then you retire, live modestly, and spend time together doing what you want to do,....no,....he has NO CONCEPT of that whatsoever. You work because thats the right thing to do, and because you are able to,....(his father was just like that, and his parents had ALOT of money.) Sickening isn't it? I mean, my parents weren't millionaires but we never wanted for anything, we got to travel alot around the world, and my parents loved each other enough that they wanted to spend time together,...not everyone is like that I guess. Actually hardly anyone is like that in this day and age. I just don't understand stuff sometimes, that's all. And I don't want to work. I hate it with a passion. I love my time, and that's a commodity that almost everyone doesn't have now. Maybe I'm being too greedy, and being a brat,(at least that's what my husband says sometimes.) I just don't know anymore. I don't. I hate life sometimes and I know I'm luckier than most, so explain myself to me, would ya.

On the brighter side

2011-04-19T16:33:00.004-04:00

So, on the brighter side, I went shopping last week and got this new perfume I've never heard of before. (One of the girls I used to work with used to wear it,) and I absolutely LOVED it. It makes me want to attack whoever is wearing it and bite their neck or something! (It's that good!!!) I love how good perfume makes me feel.(Kinda like my diamond nose stud I took out last month. It made me feel pretty.) Anyways~ this is the second bottle I've bought and I have to say it's the best kept secret,....maybe it's not your 'style', but I've gotten more compliments on this perfume from girls AND guys. It just makes people crazy. (I love it.) And~more of a subject change,~ I went to the psychiatrist today, and I'm going back next week,...she suggested it. Yea, I know. I'm an interesting specimen to her, what can I say? I wish I could just be back to the way I was before all this legal stuff happened, but I can't. Hopefully I can find my way back. I sure hope so, or it will be the death of me. I can't stay with the person I am today. I don't like this person. I'm NOT this person. I refuse to be this person, and I guess that's a start,-right? Right. I have to know that only I can change me. I have to do this, and I hope to God this doctor can help me, help me. I mean something has just got to give. It has to. Please.

SAD, sad, day

2011-04-18T13:19:00.002-04:00

Today it's been 17 yrs. since my dad passed away. I miss my dad every single day. Every day. He was such a good man, so interesting, full of life, fun, and taught me to never be judgemental of others. He always loved to have people over, and sit up and talk late into the night. He'd bring out all the different liquors from my mom and dads travels, and put them on our dining room table, and have a different story to tell about where they got them. Always was fun, and laughter. Alot. I have such great memories of him and our family. Every Sunday morning we would all get up and my mom and dad would make a big breakfast; eggs, bacon, pancakes, waffles, crepes,...whatever it was that morning,...we had dinner together every night,.....and he loved family get-togethers,...LOVED them. When he finally got to retire and move to The Keys, we would ride our bikes around after dinner and look at all the homes in the neighborhood. Silly fun things like that stick-out in my mind. Teaching me how to ride a bike when I was little, floating in our pool in the backyard every summer,.......laying in bed together telling me stories when I was little and scared to sleep alone, loving our german shepards Rexy 1 (and Rexy 2),,...loving sweets,-especially chocolate!,....listening to his favorite albums,....so many great, great memories. I am SO LUCKY to have had a dad like that in my life. Now-a-days kids have no idea about things like that, and a relationship like that. They don't even have fathers like that in their lives,....scary, I can't imagine. I could not imagine my life growing-up without my father there like he was. I mean, my mom is my best friend,...don't get me wrong,...I have a WONDERFUL mom, and she misses' my father like crazy,....so don't think my mom wasn't in the picture too. I still have my mom here, but obviously not my dad. My sisters and I would all snuggle up to my dad on the couch and put our (cold) feet under him, and he would warm them up. We would giggle, and laugh, and he loved it. He always had good advice for my brothers,...and all our friends growing-up would always be welcome. Always. Just home-y and happy. I miss him,....and the hole he left will never be filled. Just sad today, that's all.

Get over it

2011-04-17T01:02:00.003-04:00

I got called into work very early,(someone called-in sick,) so I was there by 11:15am miraculously. (I had my alarm set for 1pm,) and I got up to go to the bathroom and I checked my cellphone,(I sleep with it,) and there was a msg, and a text from wk. asking if I could come in ASAP. So I called right away and started getting ready. Ugh!~ NOT fun when you go to bed at 5am the night(morning) before. I stayed til almost 8pm, and then went and picked-up some stuff I had on lay-away, and came home, took Munky for her hourly, nightly walk, and came in, watched 'Sex and the City', and now 'The Nanny' is on. Two of my three favorites. (Throw 'Friends' in, and I can forget the rest of the world for a long time!!!) SOOO~ my niece is planning on getting married in September,...I'm excited and scared for her at the same time,(she's so young,-22.) I thank god I didn't get married at that age,.....oy, what a mistake it would've been. I was with someone for 7 yrs. and it still didn't work out, -so glad I dug my heels in and stayed engaged for a looonnngg time. That was my only way out for the time being. We split up, and I dated someone else not seriously for almost a year, and then I met my now husband. Yep. He was marrying someone else,(I knew her and her sisters,) and I thought he was going to be so happy, and all he could tell me was how much he didn't care about the wedding, how he didn't want to get married, etc. etc. etc. (I thought it was just cold feet talking.) Then on his wedding day watching his wife-to-be walk down the aisle to him, it hit me hard and fast that I was in love with him. No one was more surprised than me,....everyone probably realized it before I did,....I cried thru the whole ceremony, and the whole reception he sat at my table talking with me. He went off on his honeymoon, and I was so relieved when he came back to work. (We all worked in a 6am bar together, his sister-in-law, him and I.) And two months after that all hell broke loose. Yea, not proud of how that happened, and neither is he, but when some things are meant to be, they are meant to be. And now 18 yrs. later, we are still happy together, and the ex-wife is still in love with him. (She had a freakin' screaming attack when she found out we were married.) Can you believe it? 13 yrs. later, and she can't get over it? Maybe I'm wrong to think that way, but really,....just move on. MOVE ON. She's 46 yrs. old, they were married when she was 24!!! for cricesake! Anyways~so much for our sordid past, all I can say is, I'm just very worried about my niece marrying someone when she is so young, and they haven't been together 2 yrs yet. Just scared and worried for her,-that's all. I know when I was her age I didn't want to listen to anyone,...so I've been keeping my mouth shut. If she asks for my opinion I will tell her, but if not, she won't be hearing anything about mistakes from me. Lord knows I have no room to talk.

Bad day

2011-04-15T12:53:00.003-04:00

Yesterday was hell day at work. I came in to our Regional Mgr. having a closed door meeting with our GM and by the time he left, he was tranferred. 12 yrs. there, and gone in a second. I cried my eyes out. I honestly don't know if I want to stay there without him there. I am so angry,(even more-so,) and frustrated. On a slightly better note, I have a dr. appt. (psychiatrist) on Tuesday. FINALLY. I need it. Things are so overwhelming to me no matter what it is, good, bad, or otherwise. I need some kinda relief. Maybe this will help. I just know work won't be the answer with our GM gone. He was the best boss I have ever had. Honest to god,-he was fair, patient, hard-working, and never asked you to do anything he wouldn't do himself. And if you called in sick, NEVER got mad, he always said, 'that's life'. Maybe Monday I will put in some job applications to some places. I would never leave a job without a job,(as tempting as that may be,) I wouldn't. I slept like a rock last night,-my head was pounding, and I haven't been sleeping good for the last three nights,....but last night,-didn't even wake up once-that tired. Yea,-tired. Munky is being all cute and lovable next to me right now. She's so wonderful,....I can watch her clean, play, run, and hunt, and be entertained for hours. So cute, -my little peanut. She makes everything okay for me in my little world. She's my little savior,-keeps me hanging on. I'm so lucky to have her.

This really isn't me

2011-04-12T22:05:00.008-04:00

New laptop, and loving it! Took Munky and Sugar outside for over an hour, and we ran around, chased lizards, chased each other, and just plain had fun. Came in and now I just downloaded a bunch of pictures, and I'm watching "Eat,Pray,Love". I LOVE Javier Bardem. THATS a man. Anyways~I had an opportunity to meet someone I kinda made friends with at work, and I ended up backing out. I can't go out and meet them after work. I'm not ready to do it. I got scared, cancelled at the last minute, and came home and played with the kittys. My husband had a bunch of errands he had to do, and afterwards I told him if he felt like it, to go to the casino, and play some poker. (That always makes him happy, and if it makes him happy, it makes me happy.) Besides~ I like having the house to myself, just me and the kittys. (Thats why I'm watching this chickflick.) I ate cookies for dinner, and drank Coke all day. (Not good for someone who is borderline diabetic.) My other girlfriend just got back from Brazil, and hopefully we'll get to meet up and have lunch, and go shopping. (That I WON'T back out of,-that's for sure. I miss her way too much.) We are,(or were) really connected when I lived down in the Grove. One of the hardest things I've ever done was moving away from one of the best, closest, girlfriends I've ever made. We thought the same, loved the same clothes, shoes, wine, and both even weightlifted like maniacs.(Only problem is she still works-out, and looks gorgeous as ever,) and I, well~you've read,....I gained 4o lbs. in the last 4yrs. and I can't seem to get my fat ass out of bed to do anything that remotely resembles any form of exercise. I also can't finish a thought. I started working full time from not working at all for three and a half years straight. I still haven't bounced back, or snapped out of it. 4 years! Where am I? What happened to me? This isn't me. I just don't know where I went. I don't.

It's all I can do

2011-04-11T00:31:00.003-04:00

Well I'm on the new laptop, and learning all the different ways of this one. Not used to it yet. I have no pictures on here or anything. Watched 'Jonah Hex' tonight, and I loved it. (Regardless of what Josh Brolin thinks of Russell Crowe,) I still like him, and his movies,(AND his father. Wow.) Got up around 2 o'clock today, -it was nice. Played with Munky, took her for a walk outside, and it was so damn hot out, I had to bring her in. (She was panting and breathing so hard and fast,-I think it was too much for her, so I got scared and brought her in the house.) She literally drank water for about 30 seconds. Thats long when you think about it. Anywho~I took the cutest pictures of her too. I'm so excited I have this laptop, it's really NICE. (I love the all white.) I just downloaded Skype too, so I can talk and SEE my mom. I miss her so much. I HATE that I can't go and see her.(Being with my legal limits and all.) Tomorrow I have to work but it's a short night, and I'm off again on Tuesday,-so yay me! I'm going to go now, I have to go research some psychiatrist info. Thanks for listening.

Nothing much

2011-04-06T01:35:00.004-04:00

I felt like I didn't have a day off today. We got U-Verse installed, and they called at 9:30 AM to let us know that they will be working outside to install the necessary wiring, etc. and then at 1 o'clock they came and left around 6 o'clock. Poor Munky was so scared, she hid under the bed the ENTIRE time. I felt so bad,....she didn't eat, play, nap,-nothing,-poor thing. She finally came out about an hour and a half after the guy left. I took her outside for over an hour,...she had fun. Hopefully that made up for some of that. So yeah,....that's all we did all day,.....my husband and I. My next day off is Sunday, and I'm ALREADY looking foward to it. Spend the day at home doing nothing but sleeping late, playing with the kittehs, and laughing and spending time with my hubby. THATS nice. Still keeping in touch with K9 Rescue, and finding out that the white pitbull is doing great, needs some love, that's all, but he's enjoying being with other dogs, and loves his crate and new toys I got for him. I really wish we could've kept him. And now I have another lady coming in saying she might have to give-up her toy chihuahua Mimi. She's gorgeous, but this one I will be definitely keeping myself if she does have to give that little peanut up. I have to. She is gorgeous. We'll see,....I'll keep ya posted.

Surprised Kitty (Original)

2011-03-29T22:57:00.001-04:00

This is the sweetest, cutest, most adorable thing I've ever seen. I'm so in love with this kitten, and the total innocence, and cuteness. THIS makes me totally happy watching this, and knowing that people are this kind, and sweet and gentle. I honestly find it hard to believe that this exists, but I'm happy it does, the little that there is.

Moments at a time

2011-03-29T14:44:00.003-04:00

Today is Tuesday, and from the second I got in from my walk with Munky on Sunday night, and got in my jammies, I haven't gotten outta them. And,- I'm happy about it. I have no problem with it. Been reading up on the No Kill Revolution. This is going to be my platform from now on. This has to happen EVERYWHERE. EVERYWHERE. Every little life being saved helps. Yes, it can, and will happen,....one day. I have to keep telling myself that. I need something to keep me going, and moving foward. My sister-in-law is coming for dinner tonight, and I'm cooking chicken, so we'll see if I stay in my jammies still. I'm watching Isaac Mizrahi on QVC with the coolest stuff. I love him. He's a fun person to watch, and listen to, and I love his 'style'. (I miss his show that used to be on E!) LOVED that show. Anyways,~I'm thinking of calling into work tomorrow. I want to just chill. And I will. So here I am, thinking, waiting, hoping, and writing this. I am going to try to start thinking better, TRY TO at least. I just read Jennsylvania's blog, and she ALWAYS cracks me up. Her writing to me is like crack! I can't get enough of her sense of humor. I die laughing with her antics of her animals, husband, cooking, and late-night-drunk-internet-shopping. I am in hysterics for days thinking about something I read on her blog. Too funny. I check EVERYDAY to see if she has a new post. My husband thinks I'm crazy sometimes when I read her stuff, and giggle myself into a laughing asthma attack. (Not to mention I keep her books next to my bed and read them over and over. They are THAT funny and interesting,-at least to me.) So, I'm having a good day today. I'll write more later.

Join the No Kill Revolution-Make a difference

2011-03-27T23:30:00.006-04:00

The time is now for me to start taking action with this No Kill Revolution. I'm trying to find out as much info as possible to get this going. THAT will make me happy and make me feel good about myself, because nothing else is right now,-that's for sure. Nothing. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed and like nothing can help all these animals from sure-death. It's just SO NOT fair, or right. So many little personalities that no one will ever know. Ever. That makes me so ill,....my little Munky, my feral little kitten, what a big personality she has. She is so sweet, and cute, and lovable, and smart,....shall I go on? I could. The same thing with Jake, (the white puppy pit,) he's so sweet, and content, just to be in his crate, and have toys, and food, and some love, that's all. They all deserve a chance,....they all do. ALL. Every last one of them. Its sickening just thinking about all the little lives that have been lost. It makes me hopeless and sad, and depressed on top of everything else in my life. I've been more depressed than ever. I cry myself to sleep sometimes even. I feel so emotional it scares me. Sometimes I can't hold it in, I can't. I've convinced myself to see a psychiatrist finally. I HAVE to talk with someone, I have to. I'm scared for myself, I'm hanging on by the skin of my teeth,.......and yes, I've let my husband know. I'm NOT going to do anything stupid, I just need to vent and let things out, I think, - that's all.

Its not all black and white I know

2011-03-23T13:24:00.004-04:00

Well~last weekend I made some phone calls and saved that gorgeous, white, pitbull puppy from the Humane Society. I hooked him up with a no-kill K9 Rescue organization, and all went according to plan. I even donated $100 to help the little guy get new toys, food, bed, and other stuff. I was so happy and relieved. I couldn't have lived with myself doing nothing about him. It would've haunted me forever,-that puppy had such soulful eyes, he looked right thru me. So beautiful. Just glad he's in good hands now. Nothing else new really,...working, and still hating the world. My husband gets off probation this month,....and that's one good thing. The less he has to worry about, the better. That makes me happy too. So I'm thankful for the little victories I have in my little life, and these two things ARE victories to me. Yay. I feel like there is so much to be done, that it's overwhelming. I don't even know where to begin to get help with animal shelters, and the horrible acts that take place in all the little shelters that people don't even hear about. It makes me sick. Makes me HATE people,(just adds fuel to the fire,) I HATE people for so many reasons towards there actions and feelings towards animals, it's beyond words. Animals are so superior to us, and we could learn so much from them if we just stopped, and paid attention, but we are too quick in our own greed that we just use them for whenever we feel like it. Too bad it's this way,....if it were reversed, I gurantee we wouldn't be in the position that we put animals in.